Tag Archive | pain

I know not!

May24

It’s time to rehash the last three months
When darkness fell upon my heart
When laughter did’t come easily anymore
When sorrow reigned and hope was gone

I see the light at the end of the tunnel now
My world is beginning to become colourful again
Shades of gray are replaced by yellow, red and green
Brightness is back, dreariness is gone!

And what was the purpose of this pain?
Why this suffering again and again?
The answers may elude me now
Perhaps I’ll know the reason why
Further down the road of life
The road where surprises hide
And answers are hard to come by

I felt like I was walking in a swamp
Every movement seemed so hard
Sometimes I wonder how I persisted
How I managed to smile from time to time

Writing, my joy in life left my side
Reading, my inspiration
Seemed laborious and hard
Joy left
Mental alertness left
I was surrounded by fog

I was not efficient
Not quick on my feet
I didn’t have any bright ideas worth sharing
But what choice did I have but to go on?
What Choice did I have…. none!

My friends were by my side
They’d throw me a line from time to time
Trying to keep me afloat a bit longer
As I struggled in the currents of life

It’s almost over
I’m almost there
And I’m thankful as can be
It’s a rebirth, another one
What is the wisdom?
I know not… I know not!

Lida Berghuis
May 22nd, 2015

Life is hard, but…

Jan4

Inevitable periods of hardship…
Inevitable, because they are part of life
And they have a purpose

I think back to the hardships I’ve experienced
Hardships that are insignificant compared to
What others have experienced

I think back to those times
And wonder how they could have been avoided
How I could have felt less pain, less loneliness, less sorrow

And then suddenly I realise that
Those periods of hardship
Have been a necessary part of my growth
And development

That I need not look back at them
And feel bad for myself
Or wonder why I made the decisions I made

I need to look back with thankfulness
Because each experience has taught me something essential

I need to remember that the life’s purpose
Is not to avoid pain and sorrow
Pain and sorrow, challenges and difficulties
Are essential to our growth

In retrospect, I’m thankful for all that has come my way
The happy times, the sad times
Each and every experience has shaped me
And taught me a precious lesson

Life is hard
But this hardship has a purpose
If we are willing to reflect on our experiences
And grow from them

Lida Berghuis
December 30th, 2014

Showing the real me!

Dec18

The real me!

She was not afraid to show her face
At a time when showing her face was akin to a crime

But she was not afraid
She removed the veil and showed her face
Some were confused
Some were perturbed
Some were shocked!

But she was not afraid
She had the courage of her convictions
She knew who she was

I draw on her courage to show you the real me
To remove the mask of pretence
The mask of ‘acceptable’
The mask of ‘normal’

And I don’t think the real me
Will shock others so much
Because I’m not that unique
My experiences are my neighbours’ experiences
My friends’ experiences
Or perhaps yours

I’m not so unique
Any pain I have experienced
Has been experienced by others as well
Any challenge I’ve had
Has been the lot of others as well

She showed her face when showing her face
Was akin to a crime
All I’m doing is showing you the real me!

Lida Berghuis
December 18th, 2014

Behind the mask…

Dec15

inukshuk

In our lives
We wear various masks
To appear ‘normal’
To look ‘happy’

So many people wear the mask of ‘normal’
That we feel we will stand out if we don’t
So many of us put on a show
That the show appears to be reality

But so often behind the mask of happy
Hides an injured heart, a despondent soul
Someone looking for love

When one of us takes off the mask of perfection
Admits to having challenges, needing support
It’s easier for someone else to do the same
And if this process happens enough times
We will feel less inclined to hide
Hide our true feelings
Hide our distress
Hide what’s bothering us
Pretend we’re fine!

Lida Berghuis
December 15th, 2014

Why talk about it?

Nov4

Why talk about it?
Because it needs to be talked about!
Why talk about it?
Because now, I can!
I’ve been silent in the past
Perpetuating the code of silence
But it’s easier to talk about it now
Having made peace with who I am

Why talk about it?
Because there are too many misconceptions out there
And silence perpetuates them!

Why talk about it?
To give others courage and permission to do the same!

Why talk about it?
To chip away at the stigma of depression and anxiety
These all too present chapters in our lives
That we rather skip, deny or forget!

Why talk about it?
Because anything that comes to light
Is not as scary as when it is lurking in the dark

Why talk about it?
So others know they are not alone
To let them know that there are answers out there
That there is light at the end of this tunnel of darkness!

Why talk about it?
So others know I understand their pain
Their suffering, their feeling of helplessness and hopelessness
I understand how much courage it takes
To keep going despite the constant pain!

Why talk about it?
Because it needs to be talked about
Because we need to break the code of silence
We need to speak out, so others can as well!

Lida Berghuis
November 4th, 2014

Bullet-proof?

Jul16

The hurts of the past do come back
The uncertainty of the future always exists
These are the things I need to make peace with

How to grow in strength and love
That what hurt me before and can hurt me now
Wanes in strength and loses its grip on my psyche

I am not bullet proof and will never be
But the armour of love and compassion and reliance on God
Can protect me from the bullets of life!

I may get injured but I will heal
Sometimes I’m taken by surprise, but the secret is
To remain calm and not feel the need to defend or justify!

To have compassion for the one who unknowingly, sometimes
Is throwing the darts
The intention is mostly love
But sometimes the words just come out wrong

So, with peaceful acquiescence I face a new day
Fill my heart with love and care
Let go of the negative things
Celebrate the positive
And realise that no on can hurt me
If my heart is full of love!

Lida Berghuis
July 16th, 2014

Fleeting!

Jun30

The heat and humidity of summer is here
And air-conditioning provides a much needed respite
No, I’m not complaining about the heat or the sun
I love both in measured amounts

But as most things in this world
There is no middle ground
The weather is either bone chilling cold and depressingly grey
Or humid and scorchingly hot

Sometimes I wonder why we don’t have more places in the world
With moderate climes
But I think that’s asking for too much

In this material world
Where comfort can be short lived
Riches can disappear over night
Freedom can be snuffed out with a stroke of a pen
And justice easily buried under the ground

In this world,
Freedom, justice, and equality is much more desirable
Than a moderate clime

In our world ease does not last too long
Tears replace laughter after a while
Disappointment is around the corner and
Our plans fall apart all the time

Where is one to find inner peace
How are we to reconcile all this?

It helps if our focus is not on ourselves
It helps if we are other oriented
It helps if we take the long view
It helps if we set ourselves lofty goals
It helps if we learn to be content
It helps if we see the wisdom in suffering and pain

It helps if we see this world
For the fleeting moment that it is
And on the other side of it, eternity!

So, welcome summer heat
I’ll make the most of you
Because fall is around the corner
And winter will be here soon!

Lida Berghuis
June 30th, 2014

Cold comfort

Jun23

Everyone tells me I’ll be fine
I’ve been here before
And I’ll get out again

I believe them, sort of…
But that doesn’t ease the pain
The challenges I’m facing now are ever present
I’m still in the battlefield being battered and bruised
The fact that sometime in the distant future
This will be all over is cold comfort!

Yes, I’ll be fine
But what about now?
How am I to endure this pain
That won’t let go of me
How am I to smile
Knowing that tomorrow will be the same
And victory is in the distance

Nevertheless I have to find reasons
To keep hope alive
I rely on my friends
On prayer, on art!

The journey is long
There are not that many signs to
Show me the way
I walk with a heavy heart
With indescribable sadness
Feeling incapacitated
My energy drained
My laughter silenced
My mind foggy
My flow of words slowed to a trickle
My surroundings grey

It’s cold comfort to know that
Nightmare will be over when one is
In the midst of one
But human beings are resilient
We can always find reasons to go on!

Lida Berghuis
June 9th, 2014

What if…

Jun22

What would have life been like
If I didn’t have my ups and downs
What would have life been like
If I did not cross the valley of darkness so many times?

What would have life been like
If my mind would not suddenly abandon me
My emotions keep me hostage
My creativity desert me?

What would have life been like
If the sun never set
If my energy was not depleted
And my arms and legs didn’t feel heavy like led?

What would have life been like
If competence did not suddenly depart
My laughter stayed
My smile was genuine all the time?

Why do I think of ‘what ifs’
There is no way back
What has been, has been
Can’t change the past!

Instead I should be thankful
For all that has gone well
For all the times the sun has shone bright
All the wonderful people in my life
All the places I have been
All the things I’ve done!

No one’s life is perfect
Or without trials
I know that of course
But I forget sometimes

I need to move on and be thankful
Luckily pain gradually subsides
And when it’s with us
It can be a teacher, a guide

Perhaps sadness doesn’t come my way by chance
Perhaps it’s designed to be part of my life
Perhaps suffering has its reasons
And I would not grow without these trials

Lida Berghuis
June 11th, 2014