Tag Archive | depression

Try harder

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Are you inherently weaker?

Not resilient enough?

Not optimistic by nature?

Unable to pull yourself up by your bootstraps?

These are questions one can face when depressed

 

Advice that is not helpful:

It will pass, be patient

Try harder

Be grateful for what you have 

You just need to change your attitude 

 

People mean well

But we don’t understand depression 

Well enough yet

 

Depression holds so many of us

In its grips

No one talks about it though

It’s easier to pretend all is well

It’s easier to not answer why or why again

So we hide behind the mask of normal

And very few people know our pain

 

Depression resembles laziness

Lack of vigor

A negative outlook towards life

Sadness

Hopelessness

 

And how is one to explain 

That you are trying hard

You are doing your best to feel better

You are not enjoying wallowing in your grief

That you don’t have complete control over how you feel

 

Good questions

The answers are not so obvious  

 

February 20th, 2019

So many days

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So many days have I sat in this spot

For a moment of respite from the suffering that enveloped me

So many days, while here, have I wondered how much longer

till I feel alive again

So many days have I mourned the loss of happiness

So many days have I been revived by the kindness of friends

And as I sit in this spot again today

Feeling thankful

The rays of the sun on my face

I count my blessings

And rejoice that I can write again

December 11th, 2018

Thankful

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Today, I’m thankful for feeling well

Being able to laugh again

Today, I’m thankful that my creativity is back

And I want to write again

Today, I’m thankful to have energy

To do what is needed

Today, I’m thankful to walk in the sun

Having left the shadows behind

Today, I’m thankful to feel calm again

To face the things that come my way

Today, I’m thankful to have my optimism back

Along with my sunny disposition

Today, I’m thankful to feel well again

Once more, I’ve conquered darkness

 

September 2nd, 2018

It will take a while

 

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It takes a while to build it up

When your sense of self has been torn down

It takes a while to feel confident again

When your confidence has been shattered

It takes a while to laugh again

When your laughter has been silenced

It takes a while to get moving

When you’ve been stopped in your tracks

It takes a while to accept what was

When that thing is unpleasant

It will happen

But it takes a while

 

August 24th, 2018

Changes

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Thankful to be feeling well again

Thankful to start teaching again

Everything has a season

And the season of sadness is over

 

It took a while

It was extremely hard sometimes 

I would lose hope

I’d get frustrated a lot 

I was unhappy to be in darkness again

I was tired of hanging in there

 

Summer came and summer left

My mood finally began to change

As suddenly as darkness came 

One day it began to leave again

 

Still haven’t left it behind

Still processing this time

But I’m working my way back to me

To the confident, optimistic me

 

It will take a while

That’s normal

I’ll keep writing till all the sadness is gone 

 

August 21st, 2018

Just normal please

I feel like I can breathe again
I can laugh easily again
I can be silly again
I can concentrate again

What a relief!
Most times we appreciate things
Once they are gone

A clear head
A brain that thinks like it should seems like a most normal thing
Living without anxiety seems ordinary
Feeling passion and enthusiasm seems like a given to us
But for me, they are not

And like those things there are
Many other things I can take for granted after a while

But our normal selves are anything but ordinary and normal
That normalness can be lost in an instant
During illness
During times of trials
During transitions in life

Then we will long for normal
Just our ordinary, everyday selves
Nothing fancy
Merely the person we used to be
That self that seems like a distant memory
An unattainable state

And so, we keep longing for normal
Just normal

December 10th, 2017image

Golden cage

Should I mourn the time lost?
Should I cry over spilt milk?
Should I wonder what if this or that?
Should I think of what could have been?

It’s all water under the bridge
It was what it was
Can’t change a thing

I can dwell on it
I can feel sorry for myself
Or, I can count my blessings
And be happy again

Sometimes I wonder
Why we are so attached to this life
This life that brings us sorrow
And tests and trials

And how does the human spirit overcome?
How does is endure and not break down?
How does joy replace sorrow?
How do we start to laugh once more?

These questions remain unanswered
Most of the time
But I’m sure eventually
We will find out

The veil will fall from our face
We will see clearly
What was vague

But until then
We must sing our song
In this golden cage
We call life

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