It’s like a rebirth
Every time I get out of a depression
Yes, I can mourn the time lost
Be upset that I found myself in the valley of fog again
Or I can be grateful
To have my energy back
To feel like writing again
To laugh out loud
To plan projects
To be creative
And fully participate in life again
You forget what you have till you lose it
You can take so much for granted
Even the cloudy days don’t bother me as much
When the sun shines in my heart
Jan 19, 2023
Cancer survivor is a heavy title to bear
Cancer can be dangerous
Surviving it is good however
But I think there is still a stigma that goes along with cancer
If not, we would talk about it more than we do
It’s kept hush hush most of the time
You hear years later that someone had cancer
And you never found out
Of course, it’s not something to advertise
But talking about it reduces the stigma
And increases awareness for others as well
So, I’m a cancer survivor
Healed and happy to live life as before
But perhaps it won’t be exactly as before
The scars will fade but won’t go away
And the checkups will continue regularly
But that’s a good thing
Like anything else in life
Our experiences can be bearers of gifts
Depending on how we view them
And I’m grateful to be on the path of healing
With the support of my friends and family
August 19th, 2021
As I read the messages of love from my friends
My eyes tear up
So much kindness and care is evident in them
Messages from my classmates around the world
Messages from my friends in Montreal
Messages and calls from my family
Nothing can go wrong with so much love
I believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts
I believe in their role in healing
If anything, this experience has shown me how much I’m loved
If anything, I can see more clearly the goodness
In everyone’s heart
August 9th, 2022
The day before my operation for breast cancer
The warmth of a touch
The love it communicates
The care it shows
The gentleness it conveys
The attachment it demonstrates
The warmth of a touch
Consoling
Energizing
Life giving
Irreplaceable
The warmth of a touch
So much tenderness
So much ardour
So healing
So blissful
The warmth of a touch
Magical
Otherworldly
December 27th, 2021
It takes a while to build it up
When your sense of self has been torn down
It takes a while to feel confident again
When your confidence has been shattered
It takes a while to laugh again
When your laughter has been silenced
It takes a while to get moving
When you’ve been stopped in your tracks
It takes a while to accept what was
When that thing is unpleasant
It will happen
But it takes a while
August 24th, 2018
I feel like I can breathe again
I can laugh easily again
I can be silly again
I can concentrate again
What a relief!
Most times we appreciate things
Once they are gone
A clear head
A brain that thinks like it should seems like a most normal thing
Living without anxiety seems ordinary
Feeling passion and enthusiasm seems like a given to us
But for me, they are not
And like those things there are
Many other things I can take for granted after a while
But our normal selves are anything but ordinary and normal
That normalness can be lost in an instant
During illness
During times of trials
During transitions in life
Then we will long for normal
Just our ordinary, everyday selves
Nothing fancy
Merely the person we used to be
That self that seems like a distant memory
An unattainable state
And so, we keep longing for normal
Just normal
December 10th, 2017
Should I mourn the time lost?
Should I cry over spilt milk?
Should I wonder what if this or that?
Should I think of what could have been?
It’s all water under the bridge
It was what it was
Can’t change a thing
I can dwell on it
I can feel sorry for myself
Or, I can count my blessings
And be happy again
Sometimes I wonder
Why we are so attached to this life
This life that brings us sorrow
And tests and trials
And how does the human spirit overcome?
How does is endure and not break down?
How does joy replace sorrow?
How do we start to laugh once more?
These questions remain unanswered
Most of the time
But I’m sure eventually
We will find out
The veil will fall from our face
We will see clearly
What was vague
But until then
We must sing our song
In this golden cage
We call life
When I can sit at the coffee shop by myself
And feel at peace
When creativity and the desire to write is back
When there is no trace of anxiety
When my feelings make sense again
When the fog I’ve been living in has dissipated
I can say I’m back to me
The me I know
The me I recognize
The me I’m happy to be
The me I was yearning for
The me that had escaped
And would not return despite my pleas…
Then I feel whole again
Nov. 22nd, 2017
I’m happy to let you know that my book, Feeling Fortunate but Awful, is now available on Kindle and at a very reasonable price. Besides the subject of depression, the other topics I write about are: the value of authentic friendships, the importance of self-care, the role trials can play in our growth and development and the importance of creativity and spirituality in our lives.
Why do we forgive?
Because our love exceeds the hurt
We have experienced
Because we know we have
Done wrong too
Because we know we all
Make mistakes
Because love heals
Both us and the who has erred
July 4, 2015
lida's musings 