Archive | January 2023

Am I stressed?

Jan31

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Am I under constant stress due to my cancer treatment?

I’d say no

It’s been seven months since the diagnosis

The first few weeks very stressful

The sense of disbelief

Getting used to the idea or accepting it

All the what-ifs that go through your mind

And then accepting what’s to come

Initially, I thought I’d only need surgery and radiation

But then came the news of chemo

That was a tough pill to swallow

But we have no choice but to accept

The surprises life brings us

Acceptance brings us a certain level of peace

The first three months of chemo were tough

Especially because my mood was affected

Now, I’m back to my normal life

And so happy to be writing again

So, I’m not stressed right now

Just going through the various stages of treatment

Knowing that the prognosis is good

Feeling the love and support of my family and friends

And making the best of the situation that I’m in

January 31st, 2023

The lego hospital

Jan30

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Another day, another trip to the hospital

A blood test and a meeting with my oncologist

And do you know what takes the most time

After the 30-60 minute drive to the hospital

Depending on traffic?

It’s getting in and out of a four level parking lot 

With tight turns that scare me

What takes so much time?

Finding a place to park

Remembering where it is

Finding the car back

And then making the very slow drive out of the parking

Because of the number of cars ahead of me

Who are trying to do 

the same thing

The appointments are relatively on time 

And I love the cafeteria of this brand new hospital

It’s big, airy and colourful, with a tall ceiling

And big windows overlooking a large deck

There is artwork everywhere, inside and outside

The hospital architecture is itself a work of art

It looks like a building made of lego blocks

With each section having a different bright colour

It looks lovely as you approach it 

I think all hospitals should be built this way

Inviting, bright and roomy

With attention paid to architecture 

The cafeteria in an older hospital I’ve been to

Reminds me of prison cafeterias

Not that I’ve been to one

And perhaps prisons have nice cafeterias

But this particular cafeteria is dark, with a low ceiling, no colour, no art

No aesthetic whatsoever to speak of

Hospitals should be inviting places

You are already sick when you go there

You need uplifting surroundings

I’m sure it’s better for your mental and physical health

January 30th, 2023

What more could I want?

Jan29

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My Chemo holiday is almost over

Tomorrow blood test and my meeting with my oncologist

And Wednesday, back to the hospital to get some Taxol in me

Compared to my chemo before the New Year

This is a walk in the park

Yes, there are side effects

Fatigue, the funny taste in my mouth, my tongue being sore sometimes

But they are very tolerable

Two more months of Taxol and I’ll be done with chemo

What an experience it has been

As they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

After chemo, my body gets a break

Then comes one more surgery

Followed by radiation therapy 

And finally I’ll have reconstruction surgery

It’s a long road

But I’m living my life

I’m writing and working on publishing my books

Life goes on

Of course I will be happy when this period is over

But I’ll try to make the best of the journey I’m on

My cancer diary keeps me company

My friends shower me with love and encouragement 

My family is most supportive

What more could I want?

January 29th, 2023

My chemo ring

Jan28

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My chemo ring

What might that be, you may wonder

Let me explain

When I found I needed chemotherapy

I was shocked and taken off guard

I thought I would be done after my surgery for breast cancer

But the surgery revealed things that meant 

My treatment was not over yet

I needed chemotherapy and more surgery

I especially did not look forward to chemotherapy 

I’d never heard of a good chemo experience

Hair loss and unpleasant side effects are all I knew about it

So, to make the situation more palatable

I decided to treat myself to something

And that would be my chemo ring

Recently I had bough a ring for my right ring finger

It had a little bling, which is what I was looking for

Now, I wanted to buy a ring with bling for my right index finger

And by bling I mean fake diamonds

I just love glitter but 

I don’t like the price of diamonds

There are many alternatives these days

So, when I was at the jewelry store for another reason

I decided to look at their rings too

I found one that looked nice and was not too expensive

And that’s how my chemo ring came to be

It had the required bling of course

January 25th, 2023

Vulnerability

Jan27

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Some people don’t like to share their cancer story
I understand that
It’s a personal matter
And often not easy to talk about
But for me, it has been the cause of
Connecting with old friends
And receiving a lot of support and love
It’s hard to be vulnerable
Less than perfect 
But revealing our vulnerability has many rewards
We get everyone’s love and support
And their prayers for healing
We can connect to others on a deeper level
It’s a win win in my opinion
But it took some years for me to be this open
With my challenges in life
I had to learn to trust
To know that others will only give me their unconditional love
I had to understand the value of community
Of reaching out
And I’m so grateful for all of your love




January 27th, 2023

Blessings

Jan26

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Every situation in life can bring sunshine into our lives

Even the most challenging ones

The outpourings of love I receive continuously is a gift

I keep receiving because of my cancer experience

Talking to friends I haven’t talked to for years

Feeling blessed for having so many good friends

Being comforted and strengthened by their kind words

Receiving their prayers and well wishes

I’m not saying it’s all fun and games

Of course there are difficult times

Of course it was a shock 

Chemo is no walk in the park

Surgery involves pain and a slow recovery

But when all is said and done

Any difficult situation brings with it gifts as well

And the best gift I have received so far

Is the onrushing deluge of the love of my friends 

January 26th, 2023

My painted nails

Jan25

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Different kinds of chemo have different side effects

There could be a funny taste in one’s mouth

Food may not seem as flavour full as before

Nausea is a common one

And hair loss as well as fatigue

There is a strange side effect that involves the finger nails

They start getting darker at the cuticle

And that dark patch expands gradually

First this happened to my thumb nails

And then the other finger nails

My toe nails too

My oncologist said I could paint my nails

But first I decided it didn’t bother me so much

No one was staring at may nails anyway

And this would be over in a few months

Then yesterday I changed my mind

And painted my finger nails and toe nails

It took a while

It was a bit messy

And because I don’t have the patience to let them dry

They got smudged

And I had to paint them over again

But once it was done I found my nails prettier than before

And every time I look at my finger nails now

I’m not reminded of chemo

January 17th, 2023

Where has kindness gone?

Jan24

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Where has kindness gone?

I miss it so

It used to perfume the air

It made the flowers bloom

It could be felt in the spring air

It would illumine the room

Where has kindness gone?

I miss it so

The days are darker now

The sun is hiding behind the clouds

I’m sure if kindness came back

The sun would shine again

Where has kindness gone?

People don’t smile that much 

No one lends a helping hand 

No one talks to each other on the street

No one brings flowers anymore

Where has kindness gone?

Is it hiding at the end of a rainbow?

Is it in the pot of gold?

It’s time for kindness to come back

We need it so

January 24th

Inspired by a poem written by a friend in Iran

I can’t imagine

Jan22

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I can’t imagine how it feels

When your destiny is in the hands of those 

Who don’t have your best interest at heart

Those with ulterior motives 

With no concern for justice 

I can’t imagine how it feels

To wait three more days to have their verdict

Freedom or jail 

And how long?

It’s like deja vu

After all, this happened years ago as well

And the result was ten years of imprisonment

I can’t imagine the strength it takes

To deal with this uncertainly  

And accept what comes with acquiescence 

Acquiescence resulting from faith and certitude that all will be well 

Having tasted the feeling of freedom 

After five months of imprisonment 

I can’t imagine how one prepares oneself for any eventuality 

Knowing that one could be in confinement

Far from friends and family again

I can’t imagine 

January 22nd 2023

For my dear friend, Afif Naimi 

who was imprisoned for ten years because he is a Baha’i

and is awaiting a court date again

My chipped plate

Jan22

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It’s a small round ceramic desert plate, chipped in one area

The rusty color of the clay visible there

First, I wanted to put that plate away or under the other ones in the set

But then when I did that, I missed it

It’s a unique plate like no other in the set

It has personality and color

It has history

Although I don’t know how it got chipped

Perfection is attractive

But most times we are like the chipped plate with a tale to tell

Our imperfections make us real and unique 

January 21st, 2023