Tag Archive | challenges

Six months

Apr4

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Six months of chemo is almost finished

It seemed so long to begin with

But life goes on 

Some months were easier and some more challenging

But if the result is good, it’s been worth it 

My hair fell out

That was traumatic

It’s growing now

That makes me happy

My nails got dark 

But I’ve painted them and they look good

That funny taste in my mouth

Does not go away

And I look forward to it being gone

Nausea only the first three months

Fatigue mostly in those months too

Maybe I was lucky to have only these side effects

It can always be worse

Now I look forward

Two operations and radiation therapy

That should be six months too

But life goes on 

And it will be over before I know it

April 3rd, 2023

Depression sucks

Feb3

 

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When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective? So creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

 

February 2nd, 2023

My scars

Feb2

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Over time, scars become part of us

They reflect the experiences we’ve had 

And hardships we have endured

They decorate our body

And tell a story to whoever is willing to listen

I have a scar on my wrist which I’ve had since my childhood

I don’t even think of it as a scar anymore

It’s just how the inside of my left wrist looks like

It happened when I was 5 or 6

I broke a glass window as I tried to stop myself

After having run towards it

I no longer remember the pain or the bloody scene

All I know is that I survived it

My breast cancer scars will become of part of me too

I’ll accept them and see them as a part of my healing

January 31st, 2023

Am I stressed?

Jan31

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Am I under constant stress due to my cancer treatment?

I’d say no

It’s been seven months since the diagnosis

The first few weeks very stressful

The sense of disbelief

Getting used to the idea or accepting it

All the what-ifs that go through your mind

And then accepting what’s to come

Initially, I thought I’d only need surgery and radiation

But then came the news of chemo

That was a tough pill to swallow

But we have no choice but to accept

The surprises life brings us

Acceptance brings us a certain level of peace

The first three months of chemo were tough

Especially because my mood was affected

Now, I’m back to my normal life

And so happy to be writing again

So, I’m not stressed right now

Just going through the various stages of treatment

Knowing that the prognosis is good

Feeling the love and support of my family and friends

And making the best of the situation that I’m in

January 31st, 2023

Vulnerability

Jan27

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Some people don’t like to share their cancer story
I understand that
It’s a personal matter
And often not easy to talk about
But for me, it has been the cause of
Connecting with old friends
And receiving a lot of support and love
It’s hard to be vulnerable
Less than perfect 
But revealing our vulnerability has many rewards
We get everyone’s love and support
And their prayers for healing
We can connect to others on a deeper level
It’s a win win in my opinion
But it took some years for me to be this open
With my challenges in life
I had to learn to trust
To know that others will only give me their unconditional love
I had to understand the value of community
Of reaching out
And I’m so grateful for all of your love




January 27th, 2023

Blessings

Jan26

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Every situation in life can bring sunshine into our lives

Even the most challenging ones

The outpourings of love I receive continuously is a gift

I keep receiving because of my cancer experience

Talking to friends I haven’t talked to for years

Feeling blessed for having so many good friends

Being comforted and strengthened by their kind words

Receiving their prayers and well wishes

I’m not saying it’s all fun and games

Of course there are difficult times

Of course it was a shock 

Chemo is no walk in the park

Surgery involves pain and a slow recovery

But when all is said and done

Any difficult situation brings with it gifts as well

And the best gift I have received so far

Is the onrushing deluge of the love of my friends 

January 26th, 2023

On my mother’s back

Nov12

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I am the baby on my mother’s back

I still sport a baby-do

My mother is a proud African woman

She feels secure and self-assured

She carries me on her back and a bowl on her head

She can do many things at once

She holds her head up 

As if saying, I’ve got this baby

Stay close to me and I will take care of you 

The world can be a scary place sometimes

But It it full of loving people too 

We rely on the goodness of others

We rely on the spirit of our ancestors

And we take one strong step after another 

On this journey called life

It is OK to be scared sometimes

It is OK to feel pain and sorrow

Those things are part of life too

But for now, I’m here for you 

To help you and support you and love you

At the beginning of your journey when you need my strength 

November 10th, 2022

Depression is a cave

Sep20

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Depression is vast cave

The things one need for navigation are absent

There is no light

The path is not clear

You can fall at any moment over the obstacles on the path

You doesn’t know how long it will take

To get to the opening of the cave

There is so much uncertainty and you feel powerless

You take a few steps the best way you can

Not sure if you are going in the right direction

And the darkness is perpetual

No respite

Physical illnesses

Are like hiking through a dense forest 

The hike is challenging and requires stamina and will power

But at least you can tell where to put the next step

At least you can sing at the top of your lungs to pass the time

There may be a clearing here or there 

And you can be cheered by the rays of the sun

There are things that are unknown

But you have a map to navigate the path

You know how long the hike could be

There is discomfort

There is fatigue 

But one has the will power to push through

Depression is a cave

September 20th, 2022

Surprises

Sep15

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It can always be worse

That’s why I try to be thankful under all circumstance

Of course I could have been more vigilant 

But that kind of thinking is not helpful

What has been done is done 

Now I try to look forward 

With a positive attitude

And gratitude for the treatment that is available

I will walk this path 

Stage by stage

And arrive at the destination

I will learn the lessons I have to learn

I will be considerate of those around me

I will be appreciative of the support I get

And this path will be another one in my life

That I need to traverse

Through challenges we polish the gems we are

Through challenges we mature in this life

Life is not always easy

And it’s not meant to be

When surprises come our way

We can still control how we respond to them

How we navigate them

And how we grow in the process

September 14, 2022

Scars

Aug30

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A scar is a symbol of a battle fought and won

It’s a reminder of one’s strength 

And the ability to stand the trials of life

It may not be beautiful at first sight

A sign of imperfection one may think

But life is full of tests and trials

And imperfection is part of life

A perfect body has no story to tell

A perfect body has not faced challenges

As time goes on we each accumulate our scars

Better that they be physical scars and not emotional ones

August 30th, 2022