Everyone tells me I’ll be fine
I’ve been here before
And I’ll get out again

I believe them, sort of…
But that doesn’t ease the pain
The challenges I’m facing now are ever present
I’m still in the battlefield being battered and bruised
The fact that sometime in the distant future
This will be all over is cold comfort!

Yes, I’ll be fine
But what about now?
How am I to endure this pain
That won’t let go of me
How am I to smile
Knowing that tomorrow will be the same
And victory is in the distance

Nevertheless I have to find reasons
To keep hope alive
I rely on my friends
On prayer, on art!

The journey is long
There are not that many signs to
Show me the way
I walk with a heavy heart
With indescribable sadness
Feeling incapacitated
My energy drained
My laughter silenced
My mind foggy
My flow of words slowed to a trickle
My surroundings grey

It’s cold comfort to know that
Nightmare will be over when one is
In the midst of one
But human beings are resilient
We can always find reasons to go on!

Lida Berghuis
June 9th, 2014