Tag Archive | sadness

The swamp

 

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When I hear words that sadden my heart

sully my soul and make me feel like the

day has turned into night

When I hear words that are like awful

inkblots on a white silk scarf

I feel like I’ve plunged into a swamp

That I’m struggling to get out

But I keep being pulled back in

I feel the heaviness of the mud

Mud that has sullied my skin

I long for a fountain of pure water

To wash the dirt off of me 

The swamp is insistent though

And I feel trapped

Suddenly something beautiful catches my eyes

I see a field of wildflowers in the distance

My mood changes a bit 

The swamp seems less menacing

I keep my gaze on the flowers

And their beauty gives me the courage to

Continue my struggle 

And eventually I free myself

From the ugly swamp of dark emotions

 

February 24th, 2019

Try harder

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Are you inherently weaker?

Not resilient enough?

Not optimistic by nature?

Unable to pull yourself up by your bootstraps?

These are questions one can face when depressed

 

Advice that is not helpful:

It will pass, be patient

Try harder

Be grateful for what you have 

You just need to change your attitude 

 

People mean well

But we don’t understand depression 

Well enough yet

 

Depression holds so many of us

In its grips

No one talks about it though

It’s easier to pretend all is well

It’s easier to not answer why or why again

So we hide behind the mask of normal

And very few people know our pain

 

Depression resembles laziness

Lack of vigor

A negative outlook towards life

Sadness

Hopelessness

 

And how is one to explain 

That you are trying hard

You are doing your best to feel better

You are not enjoying wallowing in your grief

That you don’t have complete control over how you feel

 

Good questions

The answers are not so obvious  

 

February 20th, 2019

Heartache

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I’m saddened and in pain

Heartache is visiting me again

 

She wants to stay for a while

But I’d rather that she’d not 

 

She came unannounced and

Took space in my heart

There is not enough breathing room for me

Discomfort is what I feel now

 

But a guest has arrived 

And I need to be polite 

I’ll have to accept the discomfort for now

She will leave in due time

 

13 January 2019

So many days

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So many days have I sat in this spot

For a moment of respite from the suffering that enveloped me

So many days, while here, have I wondered how much longer

till I feel alive again

So many days have I mourned the loss of happiness

So many days have I been revived by the kindness of friends

And as I sit in this spot again today

Feeling thankful

The rays of the sun on my face

I count my blessings

And rejoice that I can write again

December 11th, 2018

Changes

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Thankful to be feeling well again

Thankful to start teaching again

Everything has a season

And the season of sadness is over

 

It took a while

It was extremely hard sometimes 

I would lose hope

I’d get frustrated a lot 

I was unhappy to be in darkness again

I was tired of hanging in there

 

Summer came and summer left

My mood finally began to change

As suddenly as darkness came 

One day it began to leave again

 

Still haven’t left it behind

Still processing this time

But I’m working my way back to me

To the confident, optimistic me

 

It will take a while

That’s normal

I’ll keep writing till all the sadness is gone 

 

August 21st, 2018

Cloudy

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It’s cloudy in the world of my heart
The sun is hidden
Out of sight
It’s not raining yet
But the sky is getting dark

There is a sense of emptiness in my heart
Joy has gone and and left nothing behind

Bla is how some people describe it
Flat
Emotionless
Or are the emotions unwelcome ones
Creating discomfort in my heart?

Whatever it is, it will surely pass
It’s part of the human condition to feel
Out of sorts sometimes

At such times the best cure for me
Is to write my feelings down
And let sadness flow from my pen
Till it’s gone

January 25th, 2018

Heartache

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There is a little ache in my heart
Sometimes I try to ignore it
Sometimes I give it attention and acknowledge it
Sometimes a few tears fall from my eyes

Heartache has no cure
It needs to take its course
Medicine can’t help
Neither can herbs nor potions

I’ll stay with you heartache
Till you’ve been satisfied
That you’ve made your presence known
You’re not something I can ignore or avoid

January 22nd, 2018