Tag Archive | sadness

Not just sadness

Jul26

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It’s suffering, not just sadness

It’s like a suffocating weight on your chest

That you can’t lift no matter how hard you try

Others think it’s possible and that you’re not trying hard enough

There is no way you can explain to them how it feels

And that you’re trying your hardest

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

Sadness passes

Depression does not

It’s a guest that arrives

And refuses to leave

 

It’s suffering, not just sadness

The kind of suffering that makes you wonder

What it the point of being alive

It pushes you to the edge of the cliff

And you have to prevent the fall

 

It’s suffering, just not sadness

It’s hopelessness

You know this is not how you’re supposed to feel

It’s not normal

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

It’s not temporary

It lingers day after day

Tries your patience

Tests your beliefs

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

It’s a warm and humid room

With a small window

That you can’t open because it has rusted

 

The suffering ends eventually

Sadness leaves

Joy returns

And when it does 

You’ve learned not to take anything for granted in life 

 

July 26th, 2020

Move through it

May10

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When a negative thought comes to mind

Think of three positive ones

When you feel disappointed

Think of what you’re grateful for

When things don’t go your way

Remember you don’t always know best

When your are overwhelmed

Take a deep breath

Our days are full of ups and downs

We can’t be happy all the time

But we can be content

We can be calm

That’s in our own hands

Though somethings are not

Our attitude determines our point of view

Our point of view, how we feel

We can wallow in the valley of sadness

Or, we can move through it

May 10th, 2019

 

Sent from my iPad

The swamp

Mar1

 

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When I hear words that sadden my heart

sully my soul and make me feel like the

day has turned into night

When I hear words that are like awful

inkblots on a white silk scarf

I feel like I’ve plunged into a swamp

That I’m struggling to get out

But I keep being pulled back in

I feel the heaviness of the mud

Mud that has sullied my skin

I long for a fountain of pure water

To wash the dirt off of me 

The swamp is insistent though

And I feel trapped

Suddenly something beautiful catches my eyes

I see a field of wildflowers in the distance

My mood changes a bit 

The swamp seems less menacing

I keep my gaze on the flowers

And their beauty gives me the courage to

Continue my struggle 

And eventually I free myself

From the ugly swamp of dark emotions

 

February 24th, 2019

Try harder

Feb22

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Are you inherently weaker?

Not resilient enough?

Not optimistic by nature?

Unable to pull yourself up by your bootstraps?

These are questions one can face when depressed

 

Advice that is not helpful:

It will pass, be patient

Try harder

Be grateful for what you have 

You just need to change your attitude 

 

People mean well

But we don’t understand depression 

Well enough yet

 

Depression holds so many of us

In its grips

No one talks about it though

It’s easier to pretend all is well

It’s easier to not answer why or why again

So we hide behind the mask of normal

And very few people know our pain

 

Depression resembles laziness

Lack of vigor

A negative outlook towards life

Sadness

Hopelessness

 

And how is one to explain 

That you are trying hard

You are doing your best to feel better

You are not enjoying wallowing in your grief

That you don’t have complete control over how you feel

 

Good questions

The answers are not so obvious  

 

February 20th, 2019

Heartache

Jan14

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I’m saddened and in pain

Heartache is visiting me again

 

She wants to stay for a while

But I’d rather that she’d not 

 

She came unannounced and

Took space in my heart

There is not enough breathing room for me

Discomfort is what I feel now

 

But a guest has arrived 

And I need to be polite 

I’ll have to accept the discomfort for now

She will leave in due time

 

13 January 2019

So many days

Dec11

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So many days have I sat in this spot

For a moment of respite from the suffering that enveloped me

So many days, while here, have I wondered how much longer

till I feel alive again

So many days have I mourned the loss of happiness

So many days have I been revived by the kindness of friends

And as I sit in this spot again today

Feeling thankful

The rays of the sun on my face

I count my blessings

And rejoice that I can write again

December 11th, 2018

Changes

Aug21

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Thankful to be feeling well again

Thankful to start teaching again

Everything has a season

And the season of sadness is over

 

It took a while

It was extremely hard sometimes 

I would lose hope

I’d get frustrated a lot 

I was unhappy to be in darkness again

I was tired of hanging in there

 

Summer came and summer left

My mood finally began to change

As suddenly as darkness came 

One day it began to leave again

 

Still haven’t left it behind

Still processing this time

But I’m working my way back to me

To the confident, optimistic me

 

It will take a while

That’s normal

I’ll keep writing till all the sadness is gone 

 

August 21st, 2018

Cloudy

Jan25

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It’s cloudy in the world of my heart
The sun is hidden
Out of sight
It’s not raining yet
But the sky is getting dark

There is a sense of emptiness in my heart
Joy has gone and and left nothing behind

Bla is how some people describe it
Flat
Emotionless
Or are the emotions unwelcome ones
Creating discomfort in my heart?

Whatever it is, it will surely pass
It’s part of the human condition to feel
Out of sorts sometimes

At such times the best cure for me
Is to write my feelings down
And let sadness flow from my pen
Till it’s gone

January 25th, 2018

Heartache

Jan23

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There is a little ache in my heart
Sometimes I try to ignore it
Sometimes I give it attention and acknowledge it
Sometimes a few tears fall from my eyes

Heartache has no cure
It needs to take its course
Medicine can’t help
Neither can herbs nor potions

I’ll stay with you heartache
Till you’ve been satisfied
That you’ve made your presence known
You’re not something I can ignore or avoid

January 22nd, 2018

A letter to myself

Oct4

imageThis is a letter I write to myself
As listen to the birds chirp
As I look out the window
And see the buds on the trees

This is a letter to myself
To remind me that no matter how dark
Everything my seem
No matter how little hope may be left
The dawn will come

This is a letter to myself
I write it now
So I can read it in the darkness of winter
And the gloomy hours of life
To remind myself that things will change
Laughter will return
And the sun will shine

This is a letter to myself
And I know that one day
I will read it in disbelief
Because things have changed
And I’m walking in the shadows again
But I hope that what I write now
Will give me strength to carry on

This is a letter to myself
Signed and sealed
To remind me
That these are the challenges of life
And I will overcome them eventually
Maybe slowly
Maybe painfully
But each and every time

 

-written a few years ago