When I see the smile on Nicki’s face
When I feel the joy in his heart
I wish I could bottle it up
And drink it once in the morning
Once at night
The giggle, the laughter
The carefree ways
The joy, the enthusiasm
Come what may
To see all the possibilities
Not just the challenges
To smile at the world
With a radiant face
With these sentiments
Nicki overflows
Can I bottle that
Or is that a no?
But wish we can
And wish we may
A bottle of joy
Is my wish today
Once my daughter was distraught
Life seemed confusing
Questions were many
Joy was gone
And tears ran down her cheeks
Like rain from the clouds
I wanted to help her
I asked her what I should do
She said sit next to me mom
Don’t leave me alone
I sat with her
We talked a little
I tried to console her
But later she told me
I left too soon
She said she needed me there
I asked her what for?
Just to be with me mom
So I wouldn’t feel alone
Loneliness is the worst thing
During hard times
26 January 2019
Natasha and I are sitting side by side
Talking about organizing the storage space in our house
Growing an indoor herb garden
And cleaning out parts of her room
She is very talkative and not on her phone
And we are chatting it up
But you wouldn’t want to see us now
Or take our photograph
We are sitting side by side in the hair salon
With color on our hair
She is going from brown to black
And I’m going from black to brown
The grass is always greener on the other side
January 24th, 2019
I don’t promise you a heartache free life
I do promise or hold your hand when adversity visits
I don’t promise you that you will always be happy
I do promise you that happiness returns
I don’t expect you not to make mistakes
I expect you to learn from your experiences
I don’t expect you to be perfect
I expect you to try your hardest and be kind above all else
Life is not a bed of roses
And even if it were, the thorns are plentiful
To partake of the beauty of the rose
You have to endure the pain of picking it
I have taught you to swim
But it’s you who has to and who can swim
The long distance to the shore of contentment
December 29th, 2018
I raised my kids not thinking
About the day they would leave home
Sure, there were times when I looked forward
To having more time for myself
But now I realize what a void they will leave in my heart
When they leave
Having been a stay at home mom
And then working part-time
I have been lucky to have been with my children
A lot of the time
When they leave
I have to fill that empty space with
Other people and other activities
There is still a few months left
Before any of them leave
But I’m trying to prepare myself
Although I don’t think that I’ll ever be ready
But we raise our kids so that
One day they can leave and be
Productive members of the community
It’s sad to see them leave
And yet I have to think of the opportunities it brings
September 20th, 2018
Natalie walks up from her room in the basement
Carrying her soft green blanket
She loves blankets whether it’s summer, fall or winter
They are her companion when she watches TV
They offer her a warm and soft place to be enveloped in
Another one of her blankets is already on the couch
When I point that out
She says she’d like now
Natalie’s love-affair with blankets goes way back
And anytime I see a soft blanket in a store
I wonderful if I should get it and bring it back
It reminds me of the large fluffy dog she asked for
When she was a child
One she kept in her bed for a long time
Now, Cashew has replaced that dog
She gives the best cuddles and she’s even warm
Natasha used to walk with big blankets around the house
No sweaters or robe de chambers for her
Blankets are much better for staying warm she thought
No matter how impractical
Nick is the only one who doesn’t carry blankets around
And no lounging in pyjamas for him either
He showers and gets dressed first thing in the morning
He seems to like that routine
Children are all wonderful and unique
And that goes for their use of blankets , as you can see
September 12th, 2016
Fathers and daughters have a special bond
I always felt close to my dad
And even now when his physical presence is no longer here
I still count on his support and love
I ask him for help and he responds
I know he’s aware of what’s going on
Sometimes he comes to my dreams and acts as a guide
I know that I’m still in his heart
My daughters and Albert have the same relationship
What draws them to each other, I don’t know
But there was a time when Nat would ask something
And before the sentence was done
Albert would say yes
I had asked the same thing an hour earlier
But the answer was not the same!
Albert would spend hours going over
Homework with Nat, after a long day at the office
Somehow Albert could not say no to her
Nat’s batting eyelashes did their job each time
She had her dad wrapped around her fingers
And I couldn’t figure out what her magic was
There’s something that draws on the
Heartstrings of a dad
When a request comes from his daughter
It’s as if he’s mesmerized
Mind and reason play no part!
It’s a special relationship
It’s a strong bond
One I’m happy to have experienced with my dad
Moms have the same relationship with their sons
So they need not worry and feel left out
January 30th, 2016
January 11th, 2015
Dear Natalie,
My daughter, in Zambia
I’m sending you a letter
Since the Internet is not always on
You had to call us long distance
On your cell phone
And God knows how much
The roaming charges will be
But that’s what parents are for
No worries
The spiders and the beetles in your room
Have conspired against you
They keep an eye on you day and night
But perhaps you’re in their space
Not the other way around
The monkeys are cute I hear
And there are snakes around
You’d start thinking you were in Africa!
The weather is warm
And the people are warm
If that’s too much heat
I wish I could send you some snow
Natalie, dear
Enjoy your time there
You’re creating memories
That will be with you always…
Mothering is one of the best schools in life
Patience, selflessness, being organized
Being flexible, being inventive, and being kind
Only a few things taught in this school of life
Endurance, problem solving, and creativity are other ones
One has to meet many challenges head on
When I thought I could not wake up again
To a crying child
When problems used to confound me
And I had tried all I could try
I learned to persevere
To problem solve
To open my heart
But eventually I felt burnt out
Because I was last on my to-do-list
And the first to be crossed out due to lack of time
Because I didn’t know the importance of caring for myself
Because I confused it with selfishness
Eventually it occured to me
That to be a good caregiver
I needed to care for myself
I needed an avenue for self expression
I needed a creative outlet
And I realized that
There will never be enough time
There are always things to be done
And that I needed to be an non-negotioable item
On my to-do-list
Not one that woud be crossed out
It’s counter-intuitive but it works
Because when I take care of myself
I can be a better mom!
Lida Berghuis
October 15th, 2013
I can be philosophical
A lot of the time
Maybe I need to lighten up!
Write a poem about something fun
Something to cheer someone up!
Tu veux messer avec moi?
Said Nick this morning
To my Ipad as he played a game
That cracked me up!
Don’t even think of it
Tu vas dier
He went on
I asked him if he felt lighter
Because he lost a tooth last night?
He said, No, not really
Another tooth is growing in its spot!
Natalie was nervous for her
First day back
Ready to walk out in -14 degree weather
Without mittens on her hands
Natasha had her new green hat on
With a jacket and a scarf
And as she was leaving the house
She was going over her schedule
Thinking out loud
One by one, they left the house
Into the cold winter day they stepped out
Are these my kids, I thought
I promissed I wouldn’t get philosophical
So, I guess I’ll stop now!
Lida Berghuis
January 17th, 2011
lida's musings 