When I was in pain
All I wanted was to be listened to
To feel that someone saw and felt my pain
That they acknowledged my suffering
Without judging or giving advice
I didn’t need to be told what the silver lining was
Or how fortunate I was
Sometimes I just wanted to be held and consoled
Sometimes all I needed to hear was:
This must be so difficult for you
This would give me the strength to carry on
All I needed to hear was that I was loved
Even though I felt unloveable
And this is what I have to remember
When someone else shares with me their pain
Why do we hide our pain?
Don’t we realize everyone
Experiences hardship and suffering?
Why do we only share our success
And not the challenges we had to overcome?
Why is it difficult to share these things
Things that make us feel vulnerable
Things that reveal who we are?
It takes strength to show vulnerability!
It’s easy to smile and pretend everything
Is fine and it always has been
It takes courage to admit to hardships that
We have experienced
Talking about challenges we’ve had is hard
It’s easy to share what’s on the surface
It’s not easy to reveal what is in the deep
Recesses of our heart
That’s why many of us hide our pain
Keep those emotions deep inside
Imagine driving on a road and coming to an unpaved section
There is dust, the road is not smooth, and you slow down
There are two options at this point
Either to keep going and put up with the difficulties of the unpaved road
Or to back track a bit and find an alternate paved route
The second option requires effort
Requires searching for a new way
Even recognizing that there is an alternative
The difficulties of life are like unpaved roads
They are an invitation to look at other options
Other ways of thought
In other words, growth…
But it’s up to us to accept the invitation or not
We also have the choice to continue on the gravel road
And suffer the consequences and complain
About the state of affairs and the unfairness of the situation
All the time not realizing it’s not the situation that
Has to change, it’s us!
It’s time to rehash the last three months
When darkness fell upon my heart
When laughter did’t come easily anymore
When sorrow reigned and hope was gone
I see the light at the end of the tunnel now
My world is beginning to become colourful again
Shades of gray are replaced by yellow, red and green
Brightness is back, dreariness is gone!
And what was the purpose of this pain?
Why this suffering again and again?
The answers may elude me now
Perhaps I’ll know the reason why
Further down the road of life
The road where surprises hide
And answers are hard to come by
I felt like I was walking in a swamp
Every movement seemed so hard
Sometimes I wonder how I persisted
How I managed to smile from time to time
Writing, my joy in life left my side
Reading, my inspiration
Seemed laborious and hard
Mental alertness left
I was surrounded by fog
I was not efficient
Not quick on my feet
I didn’t have any bright ideas worth sharing
But what choice did I have but to go on?
What Choice did I have…. none!
My friends were by my side
They’d throw me a line from time to time
Trying to keep me afloat a bit longer
As I struggled in the currents of life
It’s almost over
I’m almost there
And I’m thankful as can be
It’s a rebirth, another one
What is the wisdom?
I know not… I know not!