Ive come to the conclusion that
God loves me a lot!
He is sending me trial after trial!
No, Im not being sarcastic
I mean it!
I think God loves me a lot!
The carpet cleaner
Beats the carpet
To take away the dust
The cook keeps the soup
Until everything is cooked and soft*
The beating and the fire
Are out of love
Hard to bear
But great the result*
I think God loves me a lot
Because not only have I
Experienced sorrow and pain
I have also known exhilarating joy!
Many blessings have come my way
Freedom to write and express myself
Freedom to believe my beliefs
Freedom to be me
Ive also known the joy of
Friendship and love
And that by itself is worth so much!
Joy and sorrow
Two sides of a coin
One without the other impossible
December 25th, 2010
*inspired by Rumis poetry
Please dont tell me about the
Evolutionary roots of appreciating beauty
Dont try to dissect it for me
Im sure there are good scientific reasons
Why we are drawn to beauty
But I dont want to know those, not me!
I want it to be a feeling
A feeling of bliss that overcomes me
When I look at beautiful art
A warm feeling and a smile
When I listen to someone playing guitar
Please, lets not analyze beauty
Lets not make it part of the
Evolutionary theory of life
Id like our love of beauty
To be mysterious, yet obvious
And not by diagrams defined
Appreciating beauty may have
Something to do with our survival
As a species
But Id like to think of it
As essential to the life of our spirit
That’s how I see it
December 28th, 2010
A response to Denis Duttons
A Darwinian theory of beauty
I have to leave!
There goes my favorite vase!
All the water spills out!
The flowers fall on the ground!
That was my favorite vase!
Im sorry I didnt mean to
I was just playing a pirate game
I have told you many times
Not to play with the broom inside!
You have pushed me too far
I think I want to run out of the house!
Who should be angry right now?
The one whose vase is broken
Or the one who has done the crime!?
Mommy I told you, I didnt mean to
Mommy, I need to go
First though Ill pack my teddy bear
And some spare clothes
A flash light, some books and toys
And then Ill leave
And stay outside
Maybe until its dark at night
And where do you plan to go
All by yourself?
Can you tell me that
Before you start on you adventure?
Ill be just down the road
In the second court
And when it gets dark
Ill come back home!
You just pushed me too far
I have to leave
I must go right now!
Well, Tasha dear
Im sorry too
I did not mean to hurt you
What if we try a compromise?
Let us try this idea for size
What if you go out in the front of the house?
Stay out for a while and come back inside.
I think I can do that
As long as you promise
Not to hurt me like that!
March 28th, 2004
Tasha was 8 years old at this time.
Blue is the colour of my life
I turn my face
I pray for the rain of healing to fall
I pray for brighter colours is my life
And my prayer is heard
Red and orange and yellow return
The flowers are enchanting
They perfume the air
Blue is part of lifes colour palate
Red and white dont stand out
Blue is not how I want to feel
All the time
But sadness is part of life
Its something I cant run from
So, welcome sadness
You are my friends
March 23rd, 2006
Its as if from a nightmare
I have woken up
Its as if yesterday
Did not exist
Its as if I am
Or back to the person
I used to be
Colours are brighter
Life has meaning
Its as if the fog has lifted once more
And its spring in my heart again
How does one change
Where do the ups and downs of life
Why can I smile today
Frowns carved lines on my forehead
Why does music entrance me once more?
Why does writing bring me joy?
Why does the world seem full of possibilities?
Why do ideas come to me?
Winter in my heart
Makes me appreciate spring
Winter in my soul
Brought me to the brink
But we endure
We do survive
Even though it seems
Impossible at times
May 6th, 2007
When everything takes so much effort
To make a phone call
Or go out the door
When Im not sure what to look forward to
Or enjoy the things that I do
When I cant laugh at the funny things
When I look in the mirror
And see a frown
When creativity says goodbye
When anxiety is all around
When I forget how it feels to be relaxed
When enthusiasm is a thing of the past
This is when I know
That darkness has come
There is a shadow
Over my life
And no matter how hard I try
And no matter what I do
I cant step out of the shadow
Once in a while I see a glimpse of light
But it does not last for long
Darkness is what dominates
The sun seems so long gone
I tell myself things must get better
But even hope is hard to come by
My patience is tested one more time
When will the darkness be finally gone?
I pray and entreat the heavens above
I pray for the rain of healing to fall
I must be patient I tell myself
But for how long? For how long?
And after it seems like I cant take it any more
And after having said prayers for what seems
Like a million times
Something begins to change in me
And I wonder if the feeling is real
The world is suddenly brighter
I can see why others laugh and play
I can hear myself laugh again
And feel the pleasure of joy again
Life seems meaningful once more
There are projects to do
Things to plan,
And places to go
A sense of calm comes over me
Anxiety begins to leave
Challenges dont seem insurmountable
A pebble, not like a bolder any more
And as suddenly as darkness came
It begins to fade again
November 19th, 2005
Where do you go when you want to get away from it all?
Where do you go when you need a break?
Where do you go when you feel rushed?
Or feel out of sorts somehow?
My refuge is my writing spot
Which happens to be in a coffee shop
I sit in the window, take my time
Read, contemplate and write
Here, no one wants anything from me
Here, I’m not responsible for anything
I don’t see the dishes that need to be done
Or the bills and forms that must be filled out
This is my oasis, my place of calm
My pen gives me wings to fly
With it I can go anywhere
Stay close or go far away
With it I can dream or problem solve
I can try to figure things out
With it, I can colour my world
With vibrant colours, orange and gold
Thankful for this short respite
I’m then ready to go on
My responsibilities are waiting for me
But so is my oasis
December 9th, 2010