Tag Archive | pain

Depression sucks

Feb3

 

5F2A44CA-8C21-44FB-BCBF-3D3E3AA5DE4A

When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective? So creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

 

February 2nd, 2023

Physical pain

Aug23

0B52F4EC-FEB3-4A39-A108-4EDE4F1109AC

Pain,  pain, pain

Pain that does not go away

Tylenol and Oxycodone are not enough

Though they do take off the edge

The best remedy is distraction

With a movie

Or chatting with a friend

Physical pain is better than the emotional one though

That pain has no immediate remedy

Distraction works sometimes

But I prefer physical pain

My spirit is still strong

My attitude positive

These days will pass

And what will remain is a faint memory of pain

August 13th, 2022

3 days after surgery

My cocoon

Jun7

img_7107

 

I feel like I’m in a cocoon

It’s very dark in here

There is discomfort and pain

 

I feel like I’m in a cocoon

Can’t see what’s outside

Can’t see the future

I know I can’t stay here for ever

But how long do I need to wait?

 

Feeling a little claustrophobic

My world is so small

Will it ever change?

 

I’ve heard stories about a beautiful world out there

Full of life and colour

Full of bird song and meandering rivers

Is that just a story?

Will I ever get there?

 

I want to believe the stories of transformation

I want to believe that this small abode

This dark place of limitations and sorrow

Will one day give way to a marvellous world

 

June 7th, 2020

What is one to do?

Mar23

D5846462-2A7F-40EE-A871-26988B15680C
Leaving when not yet done

Little time left for saying good bye

Sudden departure

Unexpected

Leaving a very special spot

 

But isn’t that how the world works

Our plans are often interrupted

Sometimes we are blindsided

And then we have to say good bye

To things, people or plans close to our hearts

A beautiful building we had built in our mind

Crumbles and falls

 

And what is one to do but endure the pain

Of separation from a loved one

Or a plan not fulfilled

What is one to do but accept the situation as it is

What is one to do but to be thankful

For what remains

 

March 23rd, 2020

Stigma

Dec15

image

We are considered weak by some

Defective, strange and to be avoided by others 

It looks like we don’t try hard enough and

Don’t have the determination to beat our condition

 

Whereas to not give up hope 

During the dark days of depression 

Requires a herculean effort 

As well as the support of family and friends

 

To get up each day knowing that a struggle is ahead 

And march on anyway

To endure the pain of depression 

A pain that cuts deep

 

To reach out to others

When all we want to do is isolate ourselves further

To pursue treatment that is not one size fits all

And to smile from time to time

And carry on with our responsibilities and obligations 

 

These are qualities of a courageous, patient and determined person 

Who doesn’t give up despite the challenges she faces

For days and sometimes months on end

 

So please don’t think we are weak

Have compassion for us

And be part of the group of people

Who help reduce the stigma 

 

December 15th, 2019

Tears

Dec2

17A5AB05-CE4B-4DBC-9300-BBD0F1468C41Heartache

Sorrow

Feelings of guilt

For breaking someone’s heart

Tears

Flowing from her eyes

Down her cheeks…

 

When she thinks 

She has no more tears to cry

When she thinks 

She’s felt enough pain

When the future looks gray and cloudy

And the sunny days are long gone

 

What can she do except hang in there

What can she do except take it one day at a time?

The pain feels unbearable sometimes 

But she has no choice but to go on

 

November 20th, 2019

Answers

Nov22

imageWhen I go through hard times

There are so many questions I ask myself

Why?

Why now?

Why again?

Didn’t I learn?

Why didn’t I see before what I see now?

Are there any good answers to these questions?

The answers are blowing in the wind

As the song says

The answers are illusive

My head becomes a jumble of thoughts

And it’s hard to make sense of it all

I can’t stop asking these questions though

I need clarity

Sometimes I need to accept the pain even though 

I don’t have good answers to my questions 

Sometimes all I can do is take it one day at a time

Or one hour at a time 

Sometimes all I can do is to lean 

On my friends and family for a while

I may never find the answers 

But I will surly survive this painful experience 

November 22nd, 2019

A new day

Oct7

 

image

It’s like starting a new chapter in a book

Beginning a new day

Everything looks crisp and sharp

It’s as if I’ve woken up from a bad dream

 

It makes me thankful for the little things in life

The energy I have to do things

The joy I experience when writing 

Absence of anxiety

Socializing in a relaxed way

Making decisions more quickly

 

I sometime want to pinch myself

To see if this is reality

How can a few days make such a difference 

It’s as if the light switch has been turned on

 

I need to process what happened

In the last three months

I’m back in the land of the living

And it feels awesome

 

So many of my days were spent in fog

So much pain and suffering

But those days are over

I can turn the page

And read the rest of the story

With excitement and curiosity

 

October 7th, 2019

Unforeseen guest

Dec18

image

Here’s my response to Rumi’s poem, The Gesthouse:

So many times have I tried to write my pain away
Perhaps I should not be doing that

Perhaps I should accept the pain
And welcome it into my day as an unforeseen guest
A guest bearing gifts
I don’t as yet understand

December 17th, 2018

Lessons learned

Dec4

4ED57821-2ADE-498B-BDE1-0E94EDBCDB58

Some things in life we learn from our parents

Other things we learn through experience 

Here are a few things that I’ve learned 

 

That we can’t avoid pain in life

There is a place for suffering in our lives

That how we respond to painful situations

Is in our own hands

And that’s what will make the difference

 

That it’s OK to make mistakes

Making mistakes is part of life

And not something to be afraid of

Mistakes should be learning opportunities

Not to be dreaded and feared

 

That self care is important 

It’s as important as being selfless

Without self care we can’t care for others

Without self care we become resentful

Without self care we can crash and burn

 

That it’s important to nurture our creativity

That art counts, poetry counts

Art can be a solace in our lives

Creativity a way to unwind

That art brings beauty into our lives

Helps us heal

Helps us shine

 

December 3rd, 2018