Archives

Let’s talk

Jan26

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How are you?

Are you feeling OK?

I’m not expecting to hear that you are fine

That you’re managing well

It’s OK if today you don’t feel well

How often do we ask how are you 

Expecting the same answer?

What should we do if the answer is not OK?

How can I help you we may say

Would you like to grab a coffee and talk?

I won’t give you advice

I won’t tell you to be thankful for all you have

I’ll simply listen and let you empty your cup

This is not always easy for me

The need to give advice is always there

But advice is not needed in these instances

Just acknowledging the hurt will do

Just letting someone know you care

And that they are not alone in their pain

I know this because I’ve been there

I’ve been the person who was not OK

And when my friends simply listened to me

They lifted my spirit and helped me persevere

Some problems can’t be fixed right away

The road to healing may be long

And what’s most important is to know

You have friends that you can count on

January 26th, 2021

Eternal sunshine?

Nov11

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A year has passed

And my days are still sunny

How long will this sunshine of spirit last?

I’ve become accustomed to ups and downs

How will I react to constancy?

My mood has been a challenge most of my life

The possibility of a downturn each year, well and alive

But there is nothing to do but take it one day at a time

Be grateful for my blessings

Not take my health for granted

And do what I can to bring joy to the world

November 11th, 2020

Not just sadness

Jul26

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It’s suffering, not just sadness

It’s like a suffocating weight on your chest

That you can’t lift no matter how hard you try

Others think it’s possible and that you’re not trying hard enough

There is no way you can explain to them how it feels

And that you’re trying your hardest

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

Sadness passes

Depression does not

It’s a guest that arrives

And refuses to leave

 

It’s suffering, not just sadness

The kind of suffering that makes you wonder

What it the point of being alive

It pushes you to the edge of the cliff

And you have to prevent the fall

 

It’s suffering, just not sadness

It’s hopelessness

You know this is not how you’re supposed to feel

It’s not normal

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

It’s not temporary

It lingers day after day

Tries your patience

Tests your beliefs

 

It’s suffering not just sadness

It’s a warm and humid room

With a small window

That you can’t open because it has rusted

 

The suffering ends eventually

Sadness leaves

Joy returns

And when it does 

You’ve learned not to take anything for granted in life 

 

July 26th, 2020

Stigma

Dec15

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We are considered weak by some

Defective, strange and to be avoided by others 

It looks like we don’t try hard enough and

Don’t have the determination to beat our condition

 

Whereas to not give up hope 

During the dark days of depression 

Requires a herculean effort 

As well as the support of family and friends

 

To get up each day knowing that a struggle is ahead 

And march on anyway

To endure the pain of depression 

A pain that cuts deep

 

To reach out to others

When all we want to do is isolate ourselves further

To pursue treatment that is not one size fits all

And to smile from time to time

And carry on with our responsibilities and obligations 

 

These are qualities of a courageous, patient and determined person 

Who doesn’t give up despite the challenges she faces

For days and sometimes months on end

 

So please don’t think we are weak

Have compassion for us

And be part of the group of people

Who help reduce the stigma 

 

December 15th, 2019

A new day

Oct7

 

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It’s like starting a new chapter in a book

Beginning a new day

Everything looks crisp and sharp

It’s as if I’ve woken up from a bad dream

 

It makes me thankful for the little things in life

The energy I have to do things

The joy I experience when writing 

Absence of anxiety

Socializing in a relaxed way

Making decisions more quickly

 

I sometime want to pinch myself

To see if this is reality

How can a few days make such a difference 

It’s as if the light switch has been turned on

 

I need to process what happened

In the last three months

I’m back in the land of the living

And it feels awesome

 

So many of my days were spent in fog

So much pain and suffering

But those days are over

I can turn the page

And read the rest of the story

With excitement and curiosity

 

October 7th, 2019

Can I please?

Oct1

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I know I need to be thankful

But can I complain a little please?

I know I am blessed

But can I feel a little sorry for myself?

I know we all suffer in different ways

But can I ask why me?

I know life is full of ups and downs

But can I now go down please?

Can I complain about

All the times I felt I could not do the simplest things?

All the times I didn’t want to get up and start the day?

All the times I had to push myself to arrange things?

All the times I told myself to hang in there a little longer

All the times I got frustrated

And my patience ran out?

All the times I would see the long road ahead

With no respite?

At least let me pat myself on the back

For surviving this time

Knowing that I could not have done it

Without my family and friends

At least let me be proud of myself

For persevering again

 

October 1st, 2019

Try harder

Feb22

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Are you inherently weaker?

Not resilient enough?

Not optimistic by nature?

Unable to pull yourself up by your bootstraps?

These are questions one can face when depressed

 

Advice that is not helpful:

It will pass, be patient

Try harder

Be grateful for what you have 

You just need to change your attitude 

 

People mean well

But we don’t understand depression 

Well enough yet

 

Depression holds so many of us

In its grips

No one talks about it though

It’s easier to pretend all is well

It’s easier to not answer why or why again

So we hide behind the mask of normal

And very few people know our pain

 

Depression resembles laziness

Lack of vigor

A negative outlook towards life

Sadness

Hopelessness

 

And how is one to explain 

That you are trying hard

You are doing your best to feel better

You are not enjoying wallowing in your grief

That you don’t have complete control over how you feel

 

Good questions

The answers are not so obvious  

 

February 20th, 2019

My wish to write

Jan9

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I wish to write I told someone in my youth

You haven’t lived enough he told me

You have to experience life

To have something to write about

The cup needs to be filled

Before it can quench someone’s thirst

 

I was disappointed 

Even distraught 

I wanted to write ‘now’

 

But he was proven to be right

I had not lived long enough

Not shed enough tears

Not questioned things I believed in

Not gone through confusion and doubt

Not fallen so hard that it was difficult to get up

 

The caged bird sings in captivity

It’s her release

It’s her cry of help

In the lonely confines of the cage

It’s what keeps her occupied

It’s what keeps her alive and brings her joy 

And others are moved by her song

 

January 2019

Thankful

Sep2

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Today, I’m thankful for feeling well

Being able to laugh again

Today, I’m thankful that my creativity is back

And I want to write again

Today, I’m thankful to have energy

To do what is needed

Today, I’m thankful to walk in the sun

Having left the shadows behind

Today, I’m thankful to feel calm again

To face the things that come my way

Today, I’m thankful to have my optimism back

Along with my sunny disposition

Today, I’m thankful to feel well again

Once more, I’ve conquered darkness

 

September 2nd, 2018

It will take a while

Aug25

 

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It takes a while to build it up

When your sense of self has been torn down

It takes a while to feel confident again

When your confidence has been shattered

It takes a while to laugh again

When your laughter has been silenced

It takes a while to get moving

When you’ve been stopped in your tracks

It takes a while to accept what was

When that thing is unpleasant

It will happen

But it takes a while

 

August 24th, 2018