Archives

My wish to write

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I wish to write I told someone in my youth

You haven’t lived enough he told me

You have to experience life

To have something to write about

The cup needs to be filled

Before it can quench someone’s thirst

 

I was disappointed 

Even distraught 

I wanted to write ‘now’

 

But he was proven to be right

I had not lived long enough

Not shed enough tears

Not questioned things I believed in

Not gone through confusion and doubt

Not fallen so hard that it was difficult to get up

 

The caged bird sings in captivity

It’s her release

It’s her cry of help

In the lonely confines of the cage

It’s what keeps her occupied

It’s what keeps her alive and brings her joy 

And others are moved by her song

 

January 2019

Thankful

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Today, I’m thankful for feeling well

Being able to laugh again

Today, I’m thankful that my creativity is back

And I want to write again

Today, I’m thankful to have energy

To do what is needed

Today, I’m thankful to walk in the sun

Having left the shadows behind

Today, I’m thankful to feel calm again

To face the things that come my way

Today, I’m thankful to have my optimism back

Along with my sunny disposition

Today, I’m thankful to feel well again

Once more, I’ve conquered darkness

 

September 2nd, 2018

It will take a while

 

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It takes a while to build it up

When your sense of self has been torn down

It takes a while to feel confident again

When your confidence has been shattered

It takes a while to laugh again

When your laughter has been silenced

It takes a while to get moving

When you’ve been stopped in your tracks

It takes a while to accept what was

When that thing is unpleasant

It will happen

But it takes a while

 

August 24th, 2018

Changes

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Thankful to be feeling well again

Thankful to start teaching again

Everything has a season

And the season of sadness is over

 

It took a while

It was extremely hard sometimes 

I would lose hope

I’d get frustrated a lot 

I was unhappy to be in darkness again

I was tired of hanging in there

 

Summer came and summer left

My mood finally began to change

As suddenly as darkness came 

One day it began to leave again

 

Still haven’t left it behind

Still processing this time

But I’m working my way back to me

To the confident, optimistic me

 

It will take a while

That’s normal

I’ll keep writing till all the sadness is gone 

 

August 21st, 2018

Solitude

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Relaxing and enjoying my solitude

It’s been a while since I could say that 

Now, silence is not filled with anxiety

Now, I can roam freely in the atmosphere of my thoughts

Now, writing takes me to my place of calm 

 

August 17, 2018

Just normal please

I feel like I can breathe again
I can laugh easily again
I can be silly again
I can concentrate again

What a relief!
Most times we appreciate things
Once they are gone

A clear head
A brain that thinks like it should seems like a most normal thing
Living without anxiety seems ordinary
Feeling passion and enthusiasm seems like a given to us
But for me, they are not

And like those things there are
Many other things I can take for granted after a while

But our normal selves are anything but ordinary and normal
That normalness can be lost in an instant
During illness
During times of trials
During transitions in life

Then we will long for normal
Just our ordinary, everyday selves
Nothing fancy
Merely the person we used to be
That self that seems like a distant memory
An unattainable state

And so, we keep longing for normal
Just normal

December 10th, 2017image

Golden cage

Should I mourn the time lost?
Should I cry over spilt milk?
Should I wonder what if this or that?
Should I think of what could have been?

It’s all water under the bridge
It was what it was
Can’t change a thing

I can dwell on it
I can feel sorry for myself
Or, I can count my blessings
And be happy again

Sometimes I wonder
Why we are so attached to this life
This life that brings us sorrow
And tests and trials

And how does the human spirit overcome?
How does is endure and not break down?
How does joy replace sorrow?
How do we start to laugh once more?

These questions remain unanswered
Most of the time
But I’m sure eventually
We will find out

The veil will fall from our face
We will see clearly
What was vague

But until then
We must sing our song
In this golden cage
We call life

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