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Just normal please

I feel like I can breathe again
I can laugh easily again
I can be silly again
I can concentrate again

What a relief!
Most times we appreciate things
Once they are gone

A clear head
A brain that thinks like it should
Seems like a most normal thing
Living without anxiety
Seems ordinary
Feeling passion and enthusiasm
Seems like a given to us
But for me, they are not

And like those things there are
Many other things I can take
For granted after a while

But our normal selves are anything
But ordinary and normal
That normalness can be lost in an instant
During illness
During times of trials
During transitions in life

Then we will long for our normal
Just our ordinary, everyday selves
Nothing fancy
Merely the person we used to be
That self that seems like a distant memory
An unattainable state

And so, we keep longing for normal
Just normal

December 10th, 2017image

Golden cage

Should I mourn the time lost?
Should I cry over spilt milk?
Should I wonder what if this or that?
Should I think of what could have been?

It’s all water under the bridge
It was what it was
Can’t change a thing

I can dwell on it
I can feel sorry for myself
Or, I can count my blessings
And be happy again

Sometimes I wonder
Why we are so attached to this life
This life that brings us sorrow
And tests and trials

And how does the human spirit overcome?
How does is endure and not break down?
How does joy replace sorrow?
How do we start to laugh once more?

These questions remain unanswered
Most of the time
But I’m sure eventually
We will find out

The veil will fall from our face
We will see clearly
What was vague

But until then
We must sing our song
In this golden cage
We call life

DSC00530

Whole again

When I can sit at the coffee shop by myself
And feel at peace
When creativity and the desire to write is back
When there is no trace of anxiety
When my feelings make sense again
When the fog I’ve been living in has dissipated

I can say I’m back to me
The me I know
The me I recognize
The me I’m happy to be
The me I was yearning for
The me that had escaped
And would not return despite my pleas…

Then I feel whole again

image

 

Nov. 22nd, 2017

When passion dies

IMG_7283Yes, one feels helpless and sad
One feels out of control of one’s emotions
One feels weary and anxious
But the worst part is that passion dies…
One’s zest for life
One’s zeal to start projects and carry them through
One’s energetic nature and optimistic way of thinking
All of these things fall by the wayside

And when I see someone speaking passionately
About a subject they are invested in
I wonder why they can do that and not I

I wonder where my energy and fervor went
Where my desire to create and build something new went
Where my joy of being productive went

And I mourn the loss of my passion

November 22nd, 2017

A letter to myself

imageThis is a letter I write to myself
As listen to the birds chirp
As I look out the window
And see the buds on the trees

This is a letter to myself
To remind me that no matter how dark
Everything my seem
No matter how little hope may be left
The dawn will come

This is a letter to myself
I write it now
So I can read it in the darkness of winter
And the gloomy hours of life
To remind myself that things will change
Laughter will return
And the sun will shine

This is a letter to myself
And I know that one day
I will read it in disbelief
Because things have changed
And I’m walking in the shadows again
But I hope that what I write now
Will give me strength to carry on

This is a letter to myself
Signed and sealed
To remind me
That these are the challenges of life
And I will overcome them eventually
Maybe slowly
Maybe painfully
But each and every time

 

-written a few years ago