Tag Archive | Life

To be an immigrant

May2

 
Imagine having a thousand ideas
But being unable to express them
At least not eloquently

Imagine looking for words and stammering
Each time you want to communicate with someone

Imagine having to start your life over again
But with new rules and different road signs

Imagine having a career but
Having to put it on hold or abandon it for a while

This is how immigrants feel
They feel fortunate to live in freedom
But there is a price to pay
After all, nothing is free in life

Imagine being stuck between
The culture of your parents and your friends

Imagine living under a lot of new rules
Some of them not so obvious

Imagine competing with those for whom
Your new language is their mother tongue

Imagine seeing your friends do things
That you are not allowed

There are the challenges of children and teens
Who immigrate

Most of these issues gradually get resolved
Going through these challenges is an education in itself

But let’s give immigrants the respect they deserve
They literally start their lives all over again
May 1st, 2016

What I tell my kids

Apr7

Did you have fun?
We sometimes ask our kids when they come home
The subtle message being life is supposed to be fun

I’m not trying to be a downer
And say life is always hard
But I feel our children should know
That life is often hard

We don’t learn much when everything goes our way
Not that there is anything wrong with that
But life is so much more than idyllic days when all goes well
And in all the hardship and heartache there are lessons to be learned

So, I tell my kids
Life is full of ups and downs
And they should not be surprised when
Difficulties come along
I tell them that they can learn from challenges and grow
Life is fun, but in reality, it’s often hard!

April 8th, 2016

All I needed

Mar22

When I was in pain
All I wanted was to be listened to
To feel that someone saw and felt my pain
That they acknowledged my suffering
Without judging or giving advice
I didn’t need to be told what the silver lining was
Or how fortunate I was

Sometimes I just wanted to be held and consoled
Sometimes all I needed to hear was:
This must be so difficult for you
This would give me the strength to carry on

And this is what I have to remember
When someone else shares with me their pain

 

March 22nd, 2016

Life is messy

Mar15

If we expect life to be a smooth ascent
We’ll be disappointed time after time
If we see challenges as part of life
We’ll be less frustrated and distraught

If we don’t accept wrinkles as part of getting older
We’ll be saddened each time we look in the mirror
If we see them as a natural phenomenon
We may stop noticing them

If we think things should go the way we hope and plan
We’re in for a big surprise
If we realise somethings are out of our hands
We’ll accept detours with an open heart

Life is supposed to be messy, I was told
Otherwise we would not grow
And if I accept that
I’ll see challenges as part of the plan

Balance

Mar13

It’s  all about balance
This often illusive state
Balance between caring for others
And self care
Balance between work and play

Life has been teaching me how to creat
And maintain this balance
And my balance is different from yours
You may need six hours of sleep to be well rested
I may need eight or nine
You may be able to work full time and
Maintain a healthy family life
I may not

To create balance I need to know myself
Know my strengths and limitations
Life is not a one-size fits all
I have to respect my size

And it’s not a matter of good or bad
Productive or not
Successful or not
It’s about how I feel in my skin
How I like to live my life
Not comparing myself with others
My life is good when I feel fine

I keep learning each day
But I’ll try really hard
To remember what I’ve already learned
Sometimes, it takes a few times to get something
Sometimes I’ll make the same mistake again and again
But I’ve learned to be patient with myself
Some lessons take longer to master
And that’s all right
March 13th, 2016

Secrets

Nov18

When we have a secret
All is OK on the outside
But inside, something doesn’t feel right
We don’t feel as free as we should feel
We don’t feel authentic

We have our secrets because we feel
We will be judged
People may think less of us and
Their perfect ‘image’ of us will be tarnished
We will be the ‘other’, the one who does not belong

The ironic thing is that what we’re fearful of
May never come to pass
Actually, people will admire our courage
To be ourselves
And it will feel as if a weight has been lifted
From our shoulders

We keep secrets because difficult topics
Have been hidden in the past

We keep secrets because not enough people
Share the difficult parts of their lives to
Give others the courage to do the same

We keep secrets because we don’t want to
Feel vulnerable and get hurt
We keep secrets because it seams easier

But when we open our hearts to others
When we trust them with our secrets
The reaction most of the time is that of
Empathy and understanding
Because we will look more human, if less perfect
Because others have secrets too

The ocean of life is turbulent
And not one ship is immune from the
Challenges of the journey

November 18th, 2015
Lida Berghuis

Waiting for happiness…

Nov17

If you’re not happy now
You won’t be happy
After getting where you want to get
Having what you want to have
Being what you want to be

So often we think
When I have finished my studies…
When I’m married…
When my kids are in school…
When I’ve published my first book…

We think our happiness depends on
Those mile posts
That somehow crossing the finish line
Will change something in us
Will bring us joy and happiness
Will be essential to us feeling fulfilled

But joy comes from contentment
From peace of mind
From believing in something greater than us
From setting lofty goals
From not being self-centered
From reaching out to others
In their time of need

And none of this is dependent on where
We are in our lives
And what mile posts we have crossed
We need to have goals
But we can be happy at any point in our lives

November 17th, 2015
Lida Berghuis

takes the cake

Nov4

When things you thought would never come to pass, do!
When people you thought you would never hear from again
Reappear in your life
When friendships that started years ago can continue to grow
When I have a connection to my homeland I never thought I would

It becomes clear to me again that life
Is full of surprises, difficult and joyous
That things can change in an instant
For better or worse
That one never knows what lies ahead
That technology is bringing the world together
In amazing ways

So thrilled to be in touch with my classmates
So proud to know what they have achieved
So happy that we can still be silly and laugh
So wonderful that we don’t take ourselves too seriously

Life is full of unexpected turns
And this connection certainly takes the cake!

Lida Berghuis
November 4th, 2015

Have I grown up?

Nov2

IMG_7096

Have I grown up?
It depends…

When I joke and giggle with my kids
Talk about absurd things and
Sing songs badly
I feel just like a kid!

When I laugh at silly jokes
And tears start rolling down my cheeks
When I play Sherades or other games
I feel just like a kid

When I cry because of a harsh remark
Can’t find words to respond
Feel insecure as can be
I feel just like a kid

When I learn something new
Discover a poet I like to read
And time passes without me noticing
I feel just like a kid!

Of course I have the responsibilities
of a grown-up
Working, taking care of bills
Watching over my children
And these kinds of things

Of course, I’ve learned a thing or two
Experienced hardship
And can talk about my life lessons
So, I’m not a kid

But bing an adult would be so boring
If from time to time I could not be like a kid!

Lida Berghuis
November 2nd, 2015

Not too late

Oct31

It’s never too late…

It’s never too late
To live the life we want to

When we’re young, we make decisions because
we feel we’re expected to do certain things
We don’t do other things because it goes against
the conventions of our time

When the tree is young
It can sway in the wind of do’s and don’t
As it becomes stronger
It can stand firm and tall

In mid-life, with the experience of youth
We know better who we are
What we want
What we need
What we can’t live without

This is the time to live the life we are meant to live
Do what brings us joy
Live authentically

It’s never too late…
No, the time’s just right!

Lida Berghuis
October 30th, 2015