Tag Archive | choices

Women of our times

 

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In response to a recent honor killing:
Women have been under the control of men for a long time

Their lives restricted

Their choices restricted

Their whereabouts restricted

 

Sometimes men have gone too far

In exerting their authority over the women of their lives

Lives have been lost

Families put into mourning

Societies horrified

 

Sometimes these actions have gone unpunished

Encouraging others to do similar things

 

But times have changed

Today we recognize that women need not be

Controlled, guided or protected by men

 

Today, women have the same roles in society that men do

Their education is the same

Their responsibilities are the same 

And so should be their rights

 

Laws have been tilted in favour of men for a long time

That no longer makes sense

A community that is not just cannot thrive

 

May 29th, 2020

Change of plan

I had it all planned out
After agonizing search and contemplation
I had settled on a path…
I knew what I was going to do…
I had figured it out…

And then suddenly
Out of nowhere, it happened!
The situation changed
All my plans went out the window
And the door closed in my face

Why?
Why now?
Why this change?

First there was shock and disbelief
There was anger and confusion
My plans, the ones I had ben working on
For so long, had to change

I spent a lot of time in the valley of
Disbelief and shock
Not knowing how to get out

There must be something good
In this new situation that has come my way, I thought
But that thing was hard to find

Yet, gradually, unbeknownst to me
Things were falling into place
Another door had opened and I was
Walking through it unconsciously

It took me a long time to become
Aware of this new path
This new arena I had entered
But overtime I began to see it
I began to understand the wisdom
Of what had happened
A door had closed, but another door
Had opened

Now, I do make plans
But I stay open to what comes my way…

Lida Berghuis
September 7th, 2015

Authenticity

“Vulnerability is the birth place of love, creativity
joy, and belonging”

One has to risk rejection to find love
One has to be open to trying something new and untested
to be creative
One has to have known sorrow to know joy
One as to share one’s weaknesses to be welcomed
into an authentic relationship with someone else

It’s easy to show our happy, together,
confident, optimistic side
It takes courage to show our pain, sorrow,
insecurities, and doubts

It’s easy to play it safe, afraid of making a mistake
It takes courage to take a leap of faith

It’s easy to decide when the outcome is clear
It’s more difficult to accept the uncertainties of life

I used to want a letter from God
telling me which way to go and what to choose
I now know that growth comes from making the
best decision with the information I have
knowing that it may not lead me to the desired destination right away
but that eventually I’ll find my way

Life is not a straight line
It’s a jagged line
or perhaps it’s a meandering river
going to the right or the left sometimes
but all the way adjusting its course
to reach the ocean in time

And the way to accept this perceived imperfection
in our path in life is to realise
that in any case
we are worthy of love
and we will be loved!

Lida Berghuis
December 16th, 2014

*Brene Brown

The journey

The road of life is not a smooth ascent
Straight up the mountain
Sometimes we travel to the right or to the left
But let’s not forget that we are still moving forward
And gaining wisdom along the way

When making decisions on this journey
Perhaps it’s not a matter of making the correct choice
It’s a matter of choosing to the best of our ability
And moving forward
The results will guide our future steps

There is always time to get to where we want to get
Our life is not a race where detours
Can cost us ultimate victory
Life is a meandering road
With surprises, dead ends and detours
All of which are part of the process of moving forward

And perhaps the emphasis should be
On moving forward
Because at any destination we reach
Another journey begins

Perhaps the reason why we are on this road
Is not to reach certain destinations
As fast as possible
But to learn our lessons along the way
And to help others on their way

And when the destination is not the most
Important thing on our mind
We may feel less stressed
Less rushed
Less judged
And more joyful
on our way!

Lida Berghuis
October 28th, 2014

A more compassionate view of ‘mistakes’!

The word mistake has negative connotations
I like to think of mistakes as choices we make
Choices that have their consequences
But can lead to better understanding

We make choices based on the knowledge we have at the time
Based on our understanding at that point in our lives
And since our understanding is always limited
And can grow all of our lives
We are bound to make choices that don’t give the desired result

We call them mistakes
But without them
We can’t expand our knowledge
And learn more about ourselves
And the world we live

And when it comes to making a choice
we sometimes hesitate
We agonize
We procrastinate
Because we are afraid to make a mistake

I have done that!
I’ve stood at the fork in the road
Stared far too long
Agonized far too much
Afraid of choosing the wrong path

But now I know
That the only thing I can do
At the fork in the road
Is pick a path based on what I know
At that point

I’ve learned that what we call
The wrong path
Is just a path
A path that will lead to
Better understanding

I’ve learned that after what we call mistakes
Life goes on
If we fall, we will get up
We are resilient!

And to expect the desired outcome
Every time we make a choice is absurd
I’ve learned that what we call mistakes
Are a necessary part of growth!

Lida berghuis
December 2nd, 2103

Ode to facebook!

To Facebook or …
Not to Facebook?
Perhaps the answer is not no or yes
It’s hard to ignore something
So ubiquitous!

Rather how much should I facebook each day?
To avoid getting addicted or perturbed?
And who should be my ‘friend’ on Facebook?
Who should read every update
And see every photo?

Pictures and words can connect us, of course
Keep us up to date and in the know
But should I put all my pictures on Facebook?

I’m impressed when people ask for information
And pose questions in their status updates
An interesting way to use their network of friends

But do we need facebook for
Relationship updates?
‘In a relationship’ can mean one thing to me,
Another to my ‘friend’
And what does ‘it’s complicated’ actually mean?
This one really confuses me!

‘Friending’ is fun
But when do I defriend?
How do I feel if I’m the one being
Defriended?

How often should I change
My profile picture?
In it, should I include my spouse
And my lovely children?

Do I have to ‘like’ someone’s comment
So they know it was read?
Do I ‘like’ the whole album
Or just photos of a friend?

Facebook like anything else
Can be used in different ways
And these are choices that we need to make!
And for good or for bad I am afraid,
Facebook is here to stay
My friend!

Lida Berghuis
November 11th, 2011

Mistakes?

“Getting to what feels right
Often comes from things going wrong!”*

How true is that!
Been there, done that many times!

Why do we think we should have the answers
Right away?
Why do we see mistakes as a waste of time?
Why do we think of failure as final?
They could just be a new place, to start!

A choice is just that!
It has consequences of course
Consequences that we will like, or
Consequences that can lead us somewhere new

Those who succeed, fall many times
The secret is to have the strength
To get up each time!

Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Why do we expect success the first time?
There is no shame in turning around
Until we get to the place that feels right!

Lida Berghuis
November 2nd, 2011

*Oprah

fork in the road

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it!”
Yogi Berra (baseball player)

I’ve learned this the hard way!
So many times, I’ve come to a fork in the road
And stood paralyzed
Not knowing what to do!

I’ve weighed my options
A thousand times
I’ve liked something about this road
And something about the other one!

What led to my paralysis
Was fear of making a mistake
Not realizing that
That’s part of life

No one road leads to contentment
No mistake can completely break us down
There is no way to have all the answers beforehand
We need to take a leap of Faith and jump!

Secure in knowing that
We can get up from a fall
Falling and rising
Integral parts of life

It takes courage to make a choice
It takes strength to get up after a fall
But each time we rise, we’ll be stronger
Our courage and strength will multiply!

Lida Berghuis
July 27th, 2011