Archives

Your prize

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The suspense is over

You got the prize

It’s seven years

Seven years of sacrifice

And as they hand you the trophy

You smile and give thanks

That you have won yet again

This is the second time

Some will say 

This is not a prize

How can it be?

They can’t see the medal 

The standing ovation

Or the podium you stand on

But in your heart you know

This is better than any recognition you could have got

Your face is serene

Your heart is full of love

You gladly accept this honor

And what is to come

February 8th, 2023

Dear Afif Naimi, a former member of the leadership of the Baha’i community in Iran, has been sentenced to seven years in prison after having already spent ten years there in the past.

Wigs??

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I tried this wig

I tried that wig

I put on one with short hair

Then I tried one with longer hair 

I tried one with straight hair

I tried one with curly hair 

And each time I looked in the mirror

I saw someone else

Now, this someone was not bad looking

But good looking or not, she was not me 

So back to my head carves I went 

They are more authentic I think 

February 8th, 2023

My choices

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The life I’ve chosen

Is the best life for me

Not for anyone else

Comparing my choices to that of others is not productive

We all have different aspirations in the world

Mine can be very different from yours

All that matters is that I’m content with the choices I’ve made

Even the unconventional ones

Even the ones that turn heads

All that matters is that I examine my life

And see if I’m satisfied 

There are no right choices or wrong ones

Once we make a choice

We need to accept the consequences

We make the best decision we can with what we know at the time

No looking back

Only going forward

February 5th, 2023

Hell freezes over

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When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I use do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective, so creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

February 2nd, 2023

Depression sucks

 

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When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective? So creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

 

February 2nd, 2023

My scars

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Over time, scars become part of us

They reflect the experiences we’ve had 

And hardships we have endured

They decorate our body

And tell a story to whoever is willing to listen

I have a scar on my wrist which I’ve had since my childhood

I don’t even think of it as a scar anymore

It’s just how the inside of my left wrist looks like

It happened when I was 5 or 6

I broke a glass window as I tried to stop myself

After having run towards it

I no longer remember the pain or the bloody scene

All I know is that I survived it

My breast cancer scars will become of part of me too

I’ll accept them and see them as a part of my healing

January 31st, 2023

Dormant Volcano

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It’s like a dormant volcano

It seems like not much is happening now

But pressure is building again

And we’ll soon see another eruption 

Maybe bigger than the previous one 

When you push people down

They will eventually rise up

When you limit people’s freedom 

They will eventually cry out

It’s a dormant volcano

It may look serene 

But one day the eruption will take people by surprise 

And all the anger and frustration will pour out

And cover the injustice all around 

February 1st, 2024

Regarding the situation in Iran

Am I stressed?

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Am I under constant stress due to my cancer treatment?

I’d say no

It’s been seven months since the diagnosis

The first few weeks very stressful

The sense of disbelief

Getting used to the idea or accepting it

All the what-ifs that go through your mind

And then accepting what’s to come

Initially, I thought I’d only need surgery and radiation

But then came the news of chemo

That was a tough pill to swallow

But we have no choice but to accept

The surprises life brings us

Acceptance brings us a certain level of peace

The first three months of chemo were tough

Especially because my mood was affected

Now, I’m back to my normal life

And so happy to be writing again

So, I’m not stressed right now

Just going through the various stages of treatment

Knowing that the prognosis is good

Feeling the love and support of my family and friends

And making the best of the situation that I’m in

January 31st, 2023

The lego hospital

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Another day, another trip to the hospital

A blood test and a meeting with my oncologist

And do you know what takes the most time

After the 30-60 minute drive to the hospital

Depending on traffic?

It’s getting in and out of a four level parking lot 

With tight turns that scare me

What takes so much time?

Finding a place to park

Remembering where it is

Finding the car back

And then making the very slow drive out of the parking

Because of the number of cars ahead of me

Who are trying to do 

the same thing

The appointments are relatively on time 

And I love the cafeteria of this brand new hospital

It’s big, airy and colourful, with a tall ceiling

And big windows overlooking a large deck

There is artwork everywhere, inside and outside

The hospital architecture is itself a work of art

It looks like a building made of lego blocks

With each section having a different bright colour

It looks lovely as you approach it 

I think all hospitals should be built this way

Inviting, bright and roomy

With attention paid to architecture 

The cafeteria in an older hospital I’ve been to

Reminds me of prison cafeterias

Not that I’ve been to one

And perhaps prisons have nice cafeterias

But this particular cafeteria is dark, with a low ceiling, no colour, no art

No aesthetic whatsoever to speak of

Hospitals should be inviting places

You are already sick when you go there

You need uplifting surroundings

I’m sure it’s better for your mental and physical health

January 30th, 2023

What more could I want?

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My Chemo holiday is almost over

Tomorrow blood test and my meeting with my oncologist

And Wednesday, back to the hospital to get some Taxol in me

Compared to my chemo before the New Year

This is a walk in the park

Yes, there are side effects

Fatigue, the funny taste in my mouth, my tongue being sore sometimes

But they are very tolerable

Two more months of Taxol and I’ll be done with chemo

What an experience it has been

As they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

After chemo, my body gets a break

Then comes one more surgery

Followed by radiation therapy 

And finally I’ll have reconstruction surgery

It’s a long road

But I’m living my life

I’m writing and working on publishing my books

Life goes on

Of course I will be happy when this period is over

But I’ll try to make the best of the journey I’m on

My cancer diary keeps me company

My friends shower me with love and encouragement 

My family is most supportive

What more could I want?

January 29th, 2023