Archives

Changes

Aug21

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Thankful to be feeling well again

Thankful to start teaching again

Everything has a season

And the season of sadness is over

 

It took a while

It was extremely hard sometimes 

I would lose hope

I’d get frustrated a lot 

I was unhappy to be in darkness again

I was tired of hanging in there

 

Summer came and summer left

My mood finally began to change

As suddenly as darkness came 

One day it began to leave again

 

Still haven’t left it behind

Still processing this time

But I’m working my way back to me

To the confident, optimistic me

 

It will take a while

That’s normal

I’ll keep writing till all the sadness is gone 

 

August 21st, 2018

Solitude

Aug18

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Relaxing and enjoying my solitude

It’s been a while since I could say that 

Now, silence is not filled with anxiety

Now, I can roam freely in the atmosphere of my thoughts

Now, writing takes me to my place of calm 

 

August 17, 2018

Just normal please

Dec10

I feel like I can breathe again
I can laugh easily again
I can be silly again
I can concentrate again

What a relief!
Most times we appreciate things
Once they are gone

A clear head
A brain that thinks like it should seems like a most normal thing
Living without anxiety seems ordinary
Feeling passion and enthusiasm seems like a given to us
But for me, they are not

And like those things there are
Many other things I can take for granted after a while

But our normal selves are anything but ordinary and normal
That normalness can be lost in an instant
During illness
During times of trials
During transitions in life

Then we will long for normal
Just our ordinary, everyday selves
Nothing fancy
Merely the person we used to be
That self that seems like a distant memory
An unattainable state

And so, we keep longing for normal
Just normal

December 10th, 2017image

Golden cage

Dec7

Should I mourn the time lost?
Should I cry over spilt milk?
Should I wonder what if this or that?
Should I think of what could have been?

It’s all water under the bridge
It was what it was
Can’t change a thing

I can dwell on it
I can feel sorry for myself
Or, I can count my blessings
And be happy again

Sometimes I wonder
Why we are so attached to this life
This life that brings us sorrow
And tests and trials

And how does the human spirit overcome?
How does is endure and not break down?
How does joy replace sorrow?
How do we start to laugh once more?

These questions remain unanswered
Most of the time
But I’m sure eventually
We will find out

The veil will fall from our face
We will see clearly
What was vague

But until then
We must sing our song
In this golden cage
We call life

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Whole again

Nov26

When I can sit at the coffee shop by myself
And feel at peace
When creativity and the desire to write is back
When there is no trace of anxiety
When my feelings make sense again
When the fog I’ve been living in has dissipated

I can say I’m back to me
The me I know
The me I recognize
The me I’m happy to be
The me I was yearning for
The me that had escaped
And would not return despite my pleas…

Then I feel whole again

image

 

Nov. 22nd, 2017

When passion dies

Nov23

IMG_7283Yes, one feels helpless and sad
One feels out of control of one’s emotions
One feels weary and anxious
But the worst part is that passion dies…
One’s zest for life
One’s zeal to start projects and carry them through
One’s energetic nature and optimistic way of thinking
All of these things fall by the wayside

And when I see someone speaking passionately about a subject they are invested in
I wonder why they can do that and not I

I wonder where my energy and fervor went
Where my desire to create and build something new went
Where my joy of being productive went

And I mourn the loss of passion

November 22nd, 2017

A letter to myself

Oct4

imageThis is a letter I write to myself
As listen to the birds chirp
As I look out the window
And see the buds on the trees

This is a letter to myself
To remind me that no matter how dark
Everything my seem
No matter how little hope may be left
The dawn will come

This is a letter to myself
I write it now
So I can read it in the darkness of winter
And the gloomy hours of life
To remind myself that things will change
Laughter will return
And the sun will shine

This is a letter to myself
And I know that one day
I will read it in disbelief
Because things have changed
And I’m walking in the shadows again
But I hope that what I write now
Will give me strength to carry on

This is a letter to myself
Signed and sealed
To remind me
That these are the challenges of life
And I will overcome them eventually
Maybe slowly
Maybe painfully
But each and every time

 

-written a few years ago