Connect!!
I tell the computer
“Authorizing”…
He says

Long pause…
Nothing
Longer pause…
“Server unable to connect!”

Server, please!
What is this?
I cannot connect
I’m sorry dear

But I NEED
To send this e-mail!
Well, dear
you’ve got to wait

But dear server
It’s hard to wait
Yes, I know
It’s hard to wait

Dear server
Try harder
Dear Lida
Wait longer
Wait, wait, wait
I wait, I wait
Wait, wait, wait
How long should I wait?

That’s the mystery
The mystery of patience
Patience in this age of
Instant access

Patience

I try again
“Server …
Unable to connect”

Server
is this how you serve?
I’m sorry darling
You’ve got to wait

But my e-mail
How can I send it?
You just must wait
That’s all there is to it!

But that’s so hard
How can I wait?
Go write a poem
That might help!

Lida Berghuis
September 2002

When darkness lingers
Day after day
When there is no ray of hope to be seen
How do you go on
And for what reason
What helps you not give up?

Where does that last ounce of energy come from?
Why do you try one more time
When it seems that day after day
Nothing changes
Nothing at all

Worst of all what do you do
When you see a ray of hope
Just to wake up the next day
And be enveloped in darkness
And lose that hope

And how do you smile again
After the frowns
How do you get up
After each fall

How do you put one foot
In front of the other
When they feel like lead?

What do you answer
When someone asks you
How you are doing today?

How do you go on
When there is no joy in life
When anxiety reigns
And all the colour has gone?

How do you see yourself
Living the rest of your life
When pain persists
And so do trials

How do you believe
That things will change
And prayers will be heard
One day?

I don’’t know the answer
I just know
We keep going because we have to
Because there are people who love us
And need us to
Because we are stronger
Than we think
And even when everything seems so very bleak
We have no choice
But to persist

And when it seems
That prayers are not heard
It’s probably those very prayers
That give us courage and give us strength

Lida Berghuis
March 2nd, 2007

“Mommy, you will feel better”
Nicki said
I wanted to believe him
And day after day
I would look at the paper airplane
That he made
With this message of hope
And promised myself
I would keep it until the day
I could finally say
Yes, I feel better today
And that day did come!!

Buts and ands….

Sometimes I wonder when to persevere
And when to let go
When am I supposed to hang in there?
When am I supposed to go?

When everything seems to go wrong
When all the doors close in my face
When I try and try and the answer is no
I have to finally let go!

Reading the signs the universe sends us
Is not easy at times
We have all the buts and the ands lined up
To see things the way we want!

But eventually we run out of buts
And eventually we know we were wrong
To push and to persevere in a certain case
We got to let go sometimes
Before all is lost!

And yet there are other times
When the door remains open
But not very wide
Then we have to be patient and
Wait and not give up

If the door opens wide
We walk through
If the door closes shut
We turn around

Reading these signals and signs
Is not easy most times
But who said life was easy?
Not I!!

Lida Berghuis
July 28th, 2007

What should I do when I grow up?
Be a doctor, a dentist?
A writer, an artist?

Be a doctor darling
They make good dough

Be a dentist my dear
They make even more!

But I’m really a writer
What should I do?
What about passion?
What about soul?

A writer?
That’s so impractical!
An artist?
That’s even worse!!
Who will pay the bills?
Who will work?

But I’d really like to write
I feel it in my bones
I’d like to write a book
That’’s my goal!

You are so young
And you have not lived!
You need life experience
You need to live

That may be
But what about joy?
When I write I feel happy
It brings me joy!

Here she goes again…
She wants to WRITE
But really dear
You SHOULD NOT write
Maybe as a hobby
Or in your journals
But please my dear
That should be all!

Money does not grow on trees
Does not come out of the wall*
You need to earn a living!
So be practical!

Lida Berghuis
Jan. 28th, 2003

*Natasha (then six years old) and I were somewhere once and she needed some money to buy something. I said I didn’t have enough money with me. She said, “but mommy we can get it out of the wall!” She was referring to the bank machines. It does look like the money is coming out of the wall, doesn’t it? 

Why do I always feel so much?
Why can’t I be numb once in a while?
Why can’t I shut down my heart?
To the pain and sorrow that’s around?

Not feeling is not the answer
Feeling numb does not make sense!
But feeling less may be OK
I think I need a feelings dial!

But a machine I am not
A dial I don’t have on me now!
I am who I am, and
I have to accept it, like it or not!

I must accept who I am
Accept the strengths and the flaws
This world is not made
For perfect people
But for those who will strive

Strive to be better
Strive to serve
Strive to learn
And not give up
In the face of calamity
In the throws of pain
When the going gets tough
When the walls come up!

So I’ll bear the burden
Of this earthly life
With its tears of sorrow
It’s laughter and fun
I’ll feel what I’ll feel
I’ll accept it all
Don’t have much choice
So said a friend of mine!

Lida Berghuis
August 23rd, 2007

When your eyes fall on beauty
Your soul is cheered
When your ears hear a divine melody
Your spirit rejoices

Surround yourself with beauty
To live joyfully
Surround yourself
With purity
To live peacefully

And what you are looking for
Are radiant souls
Those who inspire you
Those whose faces glow

And what you put your energy in
Must be positive things
Projects to help others
Projects to heal

But never forget
To nurture yourself
Otherwise there is little you can do
For those you hold dear

Be thankful  for all
That has come your way
Even for the troubles
And the cares

For as you pass through
The valley of doubt
As you struggle to get up each time
You learn valuable lessons in life
Without them you could not learn to fly

Lida Berghuis
September 1st, 2008
Eliane’s advice to me!