When everything takes so much effort
To make a phone call
Or go out the door
When I’m not sure what to look forward to
Or how to enjoy the things that I do
When I can’t laugh at the funny things
In life
When I look in the mirror
And see a frown
When creativity says goodbye
When anxiety is all around
When I forget how it feels to be relaxed
When enthusiasm is a thing of the past
This is when I know
That darkness has come
There is a shadow
Over my life
And no matter how hard I try
And no matter what I do
I can’t step out of the shadow
Once in a while I see a glimpse of light
But it does not last for long
Darkness is what dominates
The sun seems so long gone
I tell myself things must get better
But even hope is hard to come by
My patience is tested one more time
When will the darkness be finally gone?
I pray and entreat the heavens above
I pray for the rain of healing to fall
I must be patient I tell myself
But for how long? For how long?
And after it seems like I can’tvtake it any more
And after having said prayers for what seems like a million times
Something begins to change in me
And I wonder if the feeling is real
The world is suddenly brighter
I can see why others laugh and play
I can hear myself laugh again
And feel the pleasure and joy again
Life seems meaningful once more
There are projects to do
Things to plan,
And places to go
A sense of calm comes over me
Anxiety begins to leave
Challenges don’t seem insurmountable
And as suddenly as the darkness came
It begins to fade away
Lida Berghuis
November 19th, 2005
