Tag Archive | Cancer

Sharing my journey

Jan18

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We usually don’t talk about illnesses like cancer

Many people decide to keep it to themselves

I can understand that

I hesitated a little at first

But not for long

I live a very transparent life

So the friends I’m in touch with regularly found out first

There is the initial sense of surprise 

And then come the warm comforting thoughts

The advantage of sharing of the news of this illness with friends

Is receiving their love and support and 

Their prayers and well wishes

They reach out to you and let you know 

You are not alone in this journey

Cancer treatment has advanced substantially 

If detected early, the prognosis is good

So, I’m sharing my journey with my friends

Their love and compassion sustains me and gives me strength 

January 18th, 2023

My finger nails

Jan17

 

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Different kinds of chemo have different side effects

There could be a funny taste in your mouth

Food may not seem as flavour full as before

Nausea is a common one

And hair loss as well as fatigue

There is a strange side effect that involves the finger nails

They start getting darker at the cuticle end

And that dark patch expands gradually

First it happened to my thumb nails

And then the other finger nails

The toe nails too

My oncologist said I could paint my nails

But I’ve decided it doesn’t bother me so much

No one stares at may nails anyway

And this will be over in a few months

 

January 17th, 2023

My bead necklace

Jan16

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It’s a handmade necklace made of Amazonite, Gladstone and Honey Clacite beads

The Honey Calcite beads are translucent and in shades of yellow and orange

Exactly how you would expect them to be

They are believed to increase confidence and courage

And assist in overcoming obstacles

The Amazonite beads are opaque and in shades of light green

They dispel negative energy and calm the nervous system 

And help in maintaining good health 

The Gladstone beads come in different shades

Mine glitter and are a dark goldish colour

These beads are said to have healing powers and call your spirit into serenity

But the most special aspect of this necklace

Is the love that went into creating it

The thoughtfulness

The generosity 

The caring

It is a gift from a kindhearted soul

Who is concerned about my well being

Time and creativity and positive energy

Have gone into making it

And a lot of goodwill

Those things by themselves bring me joy and healing 

January 16th, 2023

Being human

Jan11

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Some people say I am strong

In the way I’m dealing with my cancer

But they have not seen me in my weaker moments

Moments of dealing with shock and confusion

Moments of what ifs…

Moments of sorrow

Or perhaps that’s all part of one’s response

To the traumatic events in life

And there is no contradiction

After all, we are human

We can feel disheartened

We can get caught off guard

We need to grieve

We can’t always be strong

January 10th, 2023

Chemo is not fun

Jan9

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Three months of a/c chemo for breast cancer is finished

Three months of Taxol to go

That means three months of heavy chemo is behind me

And twelve weekly chemos ahead

Chemo is not fun

While attacking cancer cells

Other parts of your body are under attack too

Side effects are different for everyone

But nausea, fatigue, low energy and low mood are not fun

As chemo kills the fast dividing cancer cells

Other fast dividing cells are killed as well

Our hair cells are one such cells

The unwanted effects of chemo is the price one pays

To get one’s health back

The alternative is much worse

I need to be thankful that treatment exists

Probably treatments will be even better in the future

But for now 

Nausea, hair loss, fatigue and other side effects

Are things I need to live with

A disease that always had a negative outcome

Is now treatable

It’s important to keep things in perspective

January 6th, 2023

The dreaded shave

Jan9

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Losing my hair to chemo was traumatic

It’s not natural to lose your hair in clumps

To see it fall out in the shower in large amounts 

To see it thinning day after day 

Losing your hair to chemo does not happen naturally

Does not happen gradually 

My hairdresser gave me a pixie cut to postpone the inevitable 

It worked for two or three days

But even short hair falls out 

You keep seeing it on the shower floor and 

In your hands when you run your finger through your hair

It’s distressing to say the least

You wonder if and when you have to ask for the dreaded shave

But at a certain point

That’s preferable to seeing hair fall out continually

January 9th, 2021

Chemo holidays

Oct29

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Chemo holidays are great

What might those be, you say?

It’s week two and three in a three week cycle of chemo

The first week after getting your IV drip of chemo drugs is a right off

Fatigue, nausea, sleepless nights

Food not tasting good, swallowing being hard

Everything out of whack basically

Brain fog

But luckily, there are weeks two and three

And I call those chemo holiday weeks

A semblance of normal returns

You feel like yourself again

You’re not in constant discomfort 

Basically, life is good

Thank God for chemo holidays

When your body can take a break

From the onslaught of the meds

That help you and hurt you at the same time

When your mind can relax 

And realize that normal does return

October 29th, 2022

Being grateful is best

Oct28

 

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At the coffee shop

Sitting in the sun

Watching normal people doing normal things

Chatting with friends

Having their croissants with coffee

Me, I’m feeling good relatively speaking

I’m at the coffee shop, aren’t I?

I wonder when I’ll be back to normal

Normal energy levels

Normal days 

It will be a while

So, I have to make the best of it for now

Who knows what kinds of issues

The people at the table next to me are dealing with

I could look very normal to them

But I know better myself

This is a process I have to go through 

One day at a time

I can’t have my eyes on the end

That’s too long from now

I’ve got to be my best self 

Whatever that is now

Do what I can

Rest when I can’t 

Accept things as they are

Be thankful for the treatment I’m getting

In a beautiful hospital

With competent specialists

It’s always best to be grateful

It leads to a better outcome 

 

October 28th, 2022

Nine days after first chemo treatment 

Depression is a cave

Sep20

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Depression is vast cave

The things one need for navigation are absent

There is no light

The path is not clear

You can fall at any moment over the obstacles on the path

You doesn’t know how long it will take

To get to the opening of the cave

There is so much uncertainty and you feel powerless

You take a few steps the best way you can

Not sure if you are going in the right direction

And the darkness is perpetual

No respite

Physical illnesses

Are like hiking through a dense forest 

The hike is challenging and requires stamina and will power

But at least you can tell where to put the next step

At least you can sing at the top of your lungs to pass the time

There may be a clearing here or there 

And you can be cheered by the rays of the sun

There are things that are unknown

But you have a map to navigate the path

You know how long the hike could be

There is discomfort

There is fatigue 

But one has the will power to push through

Depression is a cave

September 20th, 2022

Surprises

Sep15

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It can always be worse

That’s why I try to be thankful under all circumstance

Of course I could have been more vigilant 

But that kind of thinking is not helpful

What has been done is done 

Now I try to look forward 

With a positive attitude

And gratitude for the treatment that is available

I will walk this path 

Stage by stage

And arrive at the destination

I will learn the lessons I have to learn

I will be considerate of those around me

I will be appreciative of the support I get

And this path will be another one in my life

That I need to traverse

Through challenges we polish the gems we are

Through challenges we mature in this life

Life is not always easy

And it’s not meant to be

When surprises come our way

We can still control how we respond to them

How we navigate them

And how we grow in the process

September 14, 2022