Archives

Sharing my journey

Jan18

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We usually don’t talk about illnesses like cancer

Many people decide to keep it to themselves

I can understand that

I hesitated a little at first

But not for long

I live a very transparent life

So the friends I’m in touch with regularly found out first

There is the initial sense of surprise 

And then come the warm comforting thoughts

The advantage of sharing of the news of this illness with friends

Is receiving their love and support and 

Their prayers and well wishes

They reach out to you and let you know 

You are not alone in this journey

Cancer treatment has advanced substantially 

If detected early, the prognosis is good

So, I’m sharing my journey with my friends

Their love and compassion sustains me and gives me strength 

January 18th, 2023

My finger nails

Jan17

 

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Different kinds of chemo have different side effects

There could be a funny taste in your mouth

Food may not seem as flavour full as before

Nausea is a common one

And hair loss as well as fatigue

There is a strange side effect that involves the finger nails

They start getting darker at the cuticle end

And that dark patch expands gradually

First it happened to my thumb nails

And then the other finger nails

The toe nails too

My oncologist said I could paint my nails

But I’ve decided it doesn’t bother me so much

No one stares at may nails anyway

And this will be over in a few months

 

January 17th, 2023

My bead necklace

Jan16

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It’s a handmade necklace made of Amazonite, Gladstone and Honey Clacite beads

The Honey Calcite beads are translucent and in shades of yellow and orange

Exactly how you would expect them to be

They are believed to increase confidence and courage

And assist in overcoming obstacles

The Amazonite beads are opaque and in shades of light green

They dispel negative energy and calm the nervous system 

And help in maintaining good health 

The Gladstone beads come in different shades

Mine glitter and are a dark goldish colour

These beads are said to have healing powers and call your spirit into serenity

But the most special aspect of this necklace

Is the love that went into creating it

The thoughtfulness

The generosity 

The caring

It is a gift from a kindhearted soul

Who is concerned about my well being

Time and creativity and positive energy

Have gone into making it

And a lot of goodwill

Those things by themselves bring me joy and healing 

January 16th, 2023

Where is the tofu?

Jan13

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I was at the grocery store 

I like your headscarf she said

I said it was because of my chemo treatment

Breast cancer, she asked?

Yes, I said

I’ve had breast cancer too, she said

Only surgery and radiation though

The mastectomy was very uncomfortable

Pain, and the dreadful surgical drain

That drains the excess fluid from your body after surgery

But they did a great job with the reconstruction

These are the things we talked about

Because I asked her where the tofu was 

January 12, 2023

Being human

Jan11

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Some people say I am strong

In the way I’m dealing with my cancer

But they have not seen me in my weaker moments

Moments of dealing with shock and confusion

Moments of what ifs…

Moments of sorrow

Or perhaps that’s all part of one’s response

To the traumatic events in life

And there is no contradiction

After all, we are human

We can feel disheartened

We can get caught off guard

We need to grieve

We can’t always be strong

January 10th, 2023

My head scarves

Jan10

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After I shaved my hair due to chemo hair loss

I needed to decide if I wanted to wear a wig or a head scarf

The wigs I tried were unattractive and unnatural

I felt like I was deceiving myself and others

So I settled for head scarves

I had to get used to those too

Headscarves are the tell tail sign of cancer

But they are also a sign you are receiving treatment

I must say that seeing oneself bald in the mirror 

Is pretty shocking to begin with 

I’m more used to it now 

But in the beginning

Each time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror

I did a double take

A whole lot of hair was missing!

I’ve found a style of head scarf that I like 

And I think I will manage a few more months

With no or little hair on my head

January 9th, 2023

Chemo is not fun

Jan9

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Three months of a/c chemo for breast cancer is finished

Three months of Taxol to go

That means three months of heavy chemo is behind me

And twelve weekly chemos ahead

Chemo is not fun

While attacking cancer cells

Other parts of your body are under attack too

Side effects are different for everyone

But nausea, fatigue, low energy and low mood are not fun

As chemo kills the fast dividing cancer cells

Other fast dividing cells are killed as well

Our hair cells are one such cells

The unwanted effects of chemo is the price one pays

To get one’s health back

The alternative is much worse

I need to be thankful that treatment exists

Probably treatments will be even better in the future

But for now 

Nausea, hair loss, fatigue and other side effects

Are things I need to live with

A disease that always had a negative outcome

Is now treatable

It’s important to keep things in perspective

January 6th, 2023

The dreaded shave

Jan9

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Losing my hair to chemo was traumatic

It’s not natural to lose your hair in clumps

To see it fall out in the shower in large amounts 

To see it thinning day after day 

Losing your hair to chemo does not happen naturally

Does not happen gradually 

My hairdresser gave me a pixie cut to postpone the inevitable 

It worked for two or three days

But even short hair falls out 

You keep seeing it on the shower floor and 

In your hands when you run your finger through your hair

It’s distressing to say the least

You wonder if and when you have to ask for the dreaded shave

But at a certain point

That’s preferable to seeing hair fall out continually

January 9th, 2021

Unimaginable

Jan7

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Young lives snuffed out too early
Sacrificed to maintain the status quo
Unimaginable
Yet possible
Justice turned rogue
Humanity forgotten
No, pommeled, crushed and destroyed!

January 7h, 2023

for the youth unjustly executed in Iran 

They persist

Jan6

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I look and listen from a distance

And see a nation in turmoil and pain

People asking for justice and equality

Asking for a normal and acceptable quality of life

But change does not come easily

There is always resistance and pushback

Nevertheless the clock cannot be turned back

People are no longer content with the status quo

They continue to speak up 

Despite the crackdowns

Despite the threats

Despite the imprisonments

And despite the executions

I admire the strength and courage 

Of my countrymen and women

I worry for their safety and security

And I look forward to the day 

When their sacrifices will have paid off

And peace and security and equality prevails

January 6th, 2023

For the courageous people of Iran