Some people say I am strong
In the way I’m dealing with my cancer
But they have not seen me in my weaker moments
Moments of dealing with shock and confusion
Moments of what ifs…
Moments of sorrow
Or perhaps that’s all part of one’s response
To the traumatic events in life
And there is no contradiction
After all, we are human
We can feel disheartened
We can get caught off guard
We need to grieve
We can’t always be strong
January 10th, 2023
After I shaved my hair due to chemo hair loss
I needed to decide if I wanted to wear a wig or a head scarf
The wigs I tried were unattractive and unnatural
I felt like I was deceiving myself and others
So I settled for head scarves
I had to get used to those too
Headscarves are the tell tail sign of cancer
But they are also a sign you are receiving treatment
I must say that seeing oneself bald in the mirror
Is pretty shocking to begin with
I’m more used to it now
But in the beginning
Each time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror
I did a double take
A whole lot of hair was missing!
I’ve found a style of head scarf that I like
And I think I will manage a few more months
With no or little hair on my head
January 9th, 2023
Three months of a/c chemo for breast cancer is finished
Three months of Taxol to go
That means three months of heavy chemo is behind me
And twelve weekly chemos ahead
Chemo is not fun
While attacking cancer cells
Other parts of your body are under attack too
Side effects are different for everyone
But nausea, fatigue, low energy and low mood are not fun
As chemo kills the fast dividing cancer cells
Other fast dividing cells are killed as well
Our hair cells are one such cells
The unwanted effects of chemo is the price one pays
To get one’s health back
The alternative is much worse
I need to be thankful that treatment exists
Probably treatments will be even better in the future
But for now
Nausea, hair loss, fatigue and other side effects
Are things I need to live with
A disease that always had a negative outcome
Is now treatable
It’s important to keep things in perspective
January 6th, 2023
Losing my hair to chemo was traumatic
It’s not natural to lose your hair in clumps
To see it fall out in the shower in large amounts
To see it thinning day after day
Losing your hair to chemo does not happen naturally
Does not happen gradually
My hairdresser gave me a pixie cut to postpone the inevitable
It worked for two or three days
But even short hair falls out
You keep seeing it on the shower floor and
In your hands when you run your finger through your hair
It’s distressing to say the least
You wonder if and when you have to ask for the dreaded shave
But at a certain point
That’s preferable to seeing hair fall out continually
January 9th, 2021
Young lives snuffed out too early
Sacrificed to maintain the status quo
Unimaginable
Yet possible
Justice turned rogue
Humanity forgotten
No, pommeled, crushed and destroyed!
January 7h, 2023
for the youth unjustly executed in Iran
I look and listen from a distance
And see a nation in turmoil and pain
People asking for justice and equality
Asking for a normal and acceptable quality of life
But change does not come easily
There is always resistance and pushback
Nevertheless the clock cannot be turned back
People are no longer content with the status quo
They continue to speak up
Despite the crackdowns
Despite the threats
Despite the imprisonments
And despite the executions
I admire the strength and courage
Of my countrymen and women
I worry for their safety and security
And I look forward to the day
When their sacrifices will have paid off
And peace and security and equality prevails
January 6th, 2023
For the courageous people of Iran
When I don’t write, I’m not me
Writing has become such a big part of me
When I don’t write something is wrong
When I feel good, I write quickly
Words flow
Ideas are there, no hesitation
The page is filled in a few minutes
And I’ve said my piece
When I don’t open my notebook
And if I do, words trickle down ever so slowly
I miss being me
January 4th, 2023
I am the baby on my mother’s back
I still sport a baby-do
My mother is a proud African woman
She feels secure and self-assured
She carries me on her back and a bowl on her head
She can do many things at once
She holds her head up
As if saying, I’ve got this baby
Stay close to me and I will take care of you
The world can be a scary place sometimes
But It it full of loving people too
We rely on the goodness of others
We rely on the spirit of our ancestors
And we take one strong step after another
On this journey called life
It is OK to be scared sometimes
It is OK to feel pain and sorrow
Those things are part of life too
But for now, I’m here for you
To help you and support you and love you
At the beginning of your journey when you need my strength
November 10th, 2022
If they don’t treat women well
It doesn’t bode well for the rest of society
If they don’t treat religious minorities well
They will eventually denigrate other groups as well
The thinking that sees one group as better than others
Eventually will see everyone else as other
Only those in power will be immune to oppression
When they don’t treat women well
It means one day they will not treat you well
Let’s stand up not just for our own rights
But the rights of every marginalized group in society
This is the sign of nobility
November 7th, 2022
It’s a marathon
Sometimes a bloody one unfortunately
Sacrifices are being made with lives lost or imprisonment
But the energy of the youth propelling this movement is endless
Their idealism and hope for change fuels their cause
They want better lives
They are done with the status quo
They plan and organize
They march and they chant
And they cannot be beaten into submission
These youth have attracted the attention of the world
People in Germany, UK, Sweden and South America
Have heard their anthem of freedom
Artists are singing their song
The world is watching
Persians overseas and others are walking with the people of Iran
This is a just cause
The demands are simple: woman, life, freedom!
November 6th, 2022
lida's musings 