Archives

Hell freezes over

Feb4

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When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I use do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective, so creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

February 2nd, 2023

Depression sucks

Feb3

 

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When I’m depressed I move through life like molasses

The simplest things take so long to do

And most of the time I have no motivation to do them

I have to force myself to do the easiest tasks

And then I wonder what happened to me?

How did I do things so easily, so quickly?

Why is my life in slow motion?

I think of my life and the things I’ve accomplished

And wonder how I used to be so effective? So creative?

It is like living in a different body 

Or like my mind has gone on holiday

It is quite discouraging to say the least

And doesn’t do much for my self-esteem

I watch people laugh and go about their lives

While I feel stuck and left behind

These are the unfortunate realities of depression

Each time, I know or I hope I’ll feel better soon

But it always takes much longer than I think

And days go by so slowly

At such times, my friends are my life boats

They give me energy to go on

Their encouragement is the sunshine of my day

Their love lifts me up

Depression sucks!

And only good friends and family 

Are my solace during those times 

 

February 2nd, 2023

My scars

Feb2

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Over time, scars become part of us

They reflect the experiences we’ve had 

And hardships we have endured

They decorate our body

And tell a story to whoever is willing to listen

I have a scar on my wrist which I’ve had since my childhood

I don’t even think of it as a scar anymore

It’s just how the inside of my left wrist looks like

It happened when I was 5 or 6

I broke a glass window as I tried to stop myself

After having run towards it

I no longer remember the pain or the bloody scene

All I know is that I survived it

My breast cancer scars will become of part of me too

I’ll accept them and see them as a part of my healing

January 31st, 2023

Dormant Volcano

Feb1

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It’s like a dormant volcano

It seems like not much is happening now

But pressure is building again

And we’ll soon see another eruption 

Maybe bigger than the previous one 

When you push people down

They will eventually rise up

When you limit people’s freedom 

They will eventually cry out

It’s a dormant volcano

It may look serene 

But one day the eruption will take people by surprise 

And all the anger and frustration will pour out

And cover the injustice all around 

February 1st, 2024

Regarding the situation in Iran

Am I stressed?

Jan31

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Am I under constant stress due to my cancer treatment?

I’d say no

It’s been seven months since the diagnosis

The first few weeks very stressful

The sense of disbelief

Getting used to the idea or accepting it

All the what-ifs that go through your mind

And then accepting what’s to come

Initially, I thought I’d only need surgery and radiation

But then came the news of chemo

That was a tough pill to swallow

But we have no choice but to accept

The surprises life brings us

Acceptance brings us a certain level of peace

The first three months of chemo were tough

Especially because my mood was affected

Now, I’m back to my normal life

And so happy to be writing again

So, I’m not stressed right now

Just going through the various stages of treatment

Knowing that the prognosis is good

Feeling the love and support of my family and friends

And making the best of the situation that I’m in

January 31st, 2023

The lego hospital

Jan30

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Another day, another trip to the hospital

A blood test and a meeting with my oncologist

And do you know what takes the most time

After the 30-60 minute drive to the hospital

Depending on traffic?

It’s getting in and out of a four level parking lot 

With tight turns that scare me

What takes so much time?

Finding a place to park

Remembering where it is

Finding the car back

And then making the very slow drive out of the parking

Because of the number of cars ahead of me

Who are trying to do 

the same thing

The appointments are relatively on time 

And I love the cafeteria of this brand new hospital

It’s big, airy and colourful, with a tall ceiling

And big windows overlooking a large deck

There is artwork everywhere, inside and outside

The hospital architecture is itself a work of art

It looks like a building made of lego blocks

With each section having a different bright colour

It looks lovely as you approach it 

I think all hospitals should be built this way

Inviting, bright and roomy

With attention paid to architecture 

The cafeteria in an older hospital I’ve been to

Reminds me of prison cafeterias

Not that I’ve been to one

And perhaps prisons have nice cafeterias

But this particular cafeteria is dark, with a low ceiling, no colour, no art

No aesthetic whatsoever to speak of

Hospitals should be inviting places

You are already sick when you go there

You need uplifting surroundings

I’m sure it’s better for your mental and physical health

January 30th, 2023

What more could I want?

Jan29

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My Chemo holiday is almost over

Tomorrow blood test and my meeting with my oncologist

And Wednesday, back to the hospital to get some Taxol in me

Compared to my chemo before the New Year

This is a walk in the park

Yes, there are side effects

Fatigue, the funny taste in my mouth, my tongue being sore sometimes

But they are very tolerable

Two more months of Taxol and I’ll be done with chemo

What an experience it has been

As they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

After chemo, my body gets a break

Then comes one more surgery

Followed by radiation therapy 

And finally I’ll have reconstruction surgery

It’s a long road

But I’m living my life

I’m writing and working on publishing my books

Life goes on

Of course I will be happy when this period is over

But I’ll try to make the best of the journey I’m on

My cancer diary keeps me company

My friends shower me with love and encouragement 

My family is most supportive

What more could I want?

January 29th, 2023

My chemo ring

Jan28

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My chemo ring

What might that be, you may wonder

Let me explain

When I found I needed chemotherapy

I was shocked and taken off guard

I thought I would be done after my surgery for breast cancer

But the surgery revealed things that meant 

My treatment was not over yet

I needed chemotherapy and more surgery

I especially did not look forward to chemotherapy 

I’d never heard of a good chemo experience

Hair loss and unpleasant side effects are all I knew about it

So, to make the situation more palatable

I decided to treat myself to something

And that would be my chemo ring

Recently I had bough a ring for my right ring finger

It had a little bling, which is what I was looking for

Now, I wanted to buy a ring with bling for my right index finger

And by bling I mean fake diamonds

I just love glitter but 

I don’t like the price of diamonds

There are many alternatives these days

So, when I was at the jewelry store for another reason

I decided to look at their rings too

I found one that looked nice and was not too expensive

And that’s how my chemo ring came to be

It had the required bling of course

January 25th, 2023

Vulnerability

Jan27

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Some people don’t like to share their cancer story
I understand that
It’s a personal matter
And often not easy to talk about
But for me, it has been the cause of
Connecting with old friends
And receiving a lot of support and love
It’s hard to be vulnerable
Less than perfect 
But revealing our vulnerability has many rewards
We get everyone’s love and support
And their prayers for healing
We can connect to others on a deeper level
It’s a win win in my opinion
But it took some years for me to be this open
With my challenges in life
I had to learn to trust
To know that others will only give me their unconditional love
I had to understand the value of community
Of reaching out
And I’m so grateful for all of your love




January 27th, 2023

Blessings

Jan26

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Every situation in life can bring sunshine into our lives

Even the most challenging ones

The outpourings of love I receive continuously is a gift

I keep receiving because of my cancer experience

Talking to friends I haven’t talked to for years

Feeling blessed for having so many good friends

Being comforted and strengthened by their kind words

Receiving their prayers and well wishes

I’m not saying it’s all fun and games

Of course there are difficult times

Of course it was a shock 

Chemo is no walk in the park

Surgery involves pain and a slow recovery

But when all is said and done

Any difficult situation brings with it gifts as well

And the best gift I have received so far

Is the onrushing deluge of the love of my friends 

January 26th, 2023