Tag Archive | frustrated

A person I don’t recognise

So, here is a person I don’t fully recognise
It’s supposed to be me, but everything is off!

She can’t concentrate
She can’t quickly problem solve
She doesn’t laugh out loud
Actually, she hardly laughs at all
She’s gloomy and tried
She is irritable at times

And sadly trying harder
Focusing more
Wanting to do better
Does not work
I’m stuck in a bad place
And feel like I have no control

They tell me I’ll be fine
But what am I supposed to do
In the meantime?

How am I supposed to live
With this person who I hardly recognise
And don’t even like

I try to find something positive in the situation
But that’s hard
It feels like I’m being punished, somehow

I know I’ll be back to myself soon
But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
September 21st, 2016

Disconnected

Depression is a disconnection
Disconnection from the world
One’s passions
One’s friends
One’s agile mind

It’s a forced disconnection
Someone just suddenly pulled the plug

I grope in the dark to find the cord
But alas it’s too dark

I keep trying
I get frustrated
I keep searching
No result
It’s like a nightmare
Out of my control
My only hope, to wake up!
March 10th, 2016

 

For more poems on depression and healing please

refer to my book:  Feeling Fortunate but Awful

The little voice I don’t listen to…

I may have figured out my limits somewhat…
But sometimes I don’t read the signals my body and mind
Send me, correctly

The ‘I’m tired’ signal is ignored
The ‘I’m frustrated’ signal is dismissed
The ‘I’ve taken on too much’ signal is pushed away!

At these times
I forget that I’m not super-human
I forget that I can say No!
I forget that I can drop projects temporarily
I forget that I can ask for help
I forget that my energy rises and falls
And sometimes I can do more, and sometimes
I need to do less!

I get caught up in the ‘rat race’ of service
I think more is better
That I will manage somehow
That next week, I will be less tired
That soon, I will catch up on my sleep!
That if I keep smiling, I won’t cry!

I forget to advocate for myself
I forget I don’t have to please everyone
I forget it’s my responsibility to know my limits
And say ‘no’ when it has been reached!

I forget that I need a lot of down-time
Time to write
Time to reflect
Time to meditate
Time to relax!

I keep going despite fatigue
Despite the fact that I get a feeling that
I have taken on too much again!

I don’t listen to the voice that tells me
It’s too much…
You’re not getting enough rest!
You need to ask for help!
You need to communicate better!

… Until it’s too late!

Lida Berghuis
August 31st, 2014