being alone

Being alone
Meant being alone with my thoughts
And emotions
No one to distract me!

Being alone
Meant being lonely
In a prison without walls

Being alone
Meant feeling all the feelings
I was running away from
The hurt that was unexpressed
The anger that was ignored
The resentments that were pushed under the carpet

No wonder
Being alone
Did not feel good!

All the emotions that I ran from
Needed to be dealt with
Because each time I was alone
They would appear like unwanted guests

To resolve these issues
I needed to have the courage
To change
The assurance that
Change was possible
That I was not a victim of circumstance
That I was the captain of my ship!

And what I learned is that
I needed to be the authentic me
Not the ‘expected’ me!
I needed to speak up and state my needs
I needed to create an environment
That was nurturing
I needed to think different
And therefore act differently
I needed to know
That it’s never too late to grow
Even in my forties!

Lida Berghuis
September 22nd, 2011

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