It’s a dam built up of who knows what
But the dam keeps my emotions at bay
I try to ignore my anxiety
I try to ignore my pain
I try to ignore the hurt of the past
And the anxiety, hurt and pain
Has nowhere to go
It’s blocked!

But by the grace of God
The dam begins to crack
And the power of the hurt, pain and sorrow
Having increased,
They break the dam
And out flows the torrent of tears
And pent-up emotions

The rush of tears is uncontrollable
The pain arises from deep within
The emotions are so powerful
I don’t remember having sobbed like this
In anger!
In frustration!
In sorrow!

The pain is almost unbearable
The roar of the water so loud
But perhaps when all is said and done
I will let go of expectations
The sense of needing control
And the sense of being responsible
For other people’s lives

I’m back at the gates of humility of acceptance
And trust in God!

Lida Berghuis
March 3rd 2014